In what has been said to clearly be the most ignorant philosophy EVER, a Philadelphia woman named Donkers (seriously) was pulled over for driving while breast feeding her child, talking on the phone, and taking notes from her husband, who continued to give her instructions despite the efforts of local police to successfully pull the woman over.

The woman belongs to the patently insane group of First Christian Fellowship of Eternal Sovereignty, which defeats all attempts at a rational explanation of their beliefs by spouting various and sundry early American documents and speeches. One of their tenets is that the man is the head of the house and his wife obeys every one of his whims, even when said whim is stupid, dangerous, and illegal.

Donkers seemed bewildered when pulled over by police and wanted them to tell her how her actions were wrong. “I have learned the the liberating principles of individual responsibilities under God,” Donkers spouted from rote memory, “and I am confident that my instructions from my husband were correct and proper in every way.” Donkers made this statement from underneath a fitted sheet from behind her front door so as to appear properly modest and chaste.

Donkers’ public defender said he’d be asking for leniency, as his client was clearly one taco short of a combination platter.