In an act of perplexing stupidity, Rhea County commissioners attempted to ban homosexuality within their county lines.

Commissioner J.C. Fugate, who initiated the Tuesday motion, also made the motion to rescind it Thursday. In a discussion about gays and same-sex marriage at the earlier meeting, Fugate had asked the county attorney to find a way to “keep them out of here.”

Using small, monosyllabic words, the county attorney tried to explain the concepts of civil liberties, privacy, and the Bill of Rights. Giving up on that, he finally told the appropriately-named Fugate �you just can�t ban the gays, alright?�

Meanwhile, young, properly indoctrinated Baptist girls expressed their outrage as the gay ban was rescinded. “It’s not a Christian thing,” said Kinney.

When pressed to provide examples of “Christian things,” the teens listed stoning homosexuals, adulterers, and heretics as appropriate Christian activities.

Asked for comment on the ban and later strike of the ban, gay activists said, “Who the hell wants to go to rural BFE Tennessee?”