God’s law
26 September 2005 by SeanMore fun with, mostly, good ol’ Leviticus. An oldie but a goodie I thought I’d share:
President Bush, I need some advice regarding God’s Laws and how best to follow them
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your election victory and for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. As you said, “in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman.” I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18.22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how best to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus15.19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35.2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus11.10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?
7. Leviticus.21.20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus19.27. How should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Yours truly,
An Inquiring Supporter
P.S. I look forward to your answers because there are a number of other issues that I’d like to get settled as soon as you’ve enlightened me on these … Thanks again.
26 September 2005, on 7:52 am
As I’ve said before:
http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/8881/jebuspwnd3fk.jpg
26 September 2005, on 2:17 pm
Providing Jesus actually existed, if Jesus was God then dying on the cross was a huge parlor trick and therefore it meant nothing. If Jesus wasn’t God then he died for his personal beliefs and it still meant nothing as people do that all the time. If God exists then God needing Jesus to save people from “sin” is nothing more than running around the barn a number of times before going inside, or traveling from Los Angeles to San Francisco by way of Antarctica.
26 September 2005, on 3:20 pm
Kenton: that was brilliantly summarized.
26 September 2005, on 9:37 pm
Ha! Fantastic- and very intentionally funny.
26 September 2005, on 10:57 pm
Yes, I’m still laughing. I intend to quote it ad infinitum.
27 September 2005, on 6:20 pm
God’s Laws
Over at God is for Suckers Sean provides some good reasons as to why we shouldn’t base our decisions off of what the Bible says (such as what our president is doing with banning same-sex marriage).
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29 September 2005, on 4:18 am
I think the Pres. is right, we should ban homosexual marraige. Does anyone realize that homosexuality leads to extinction?
Yeah, I agree, some of the levitical law seems rediculous to us now. It sure is a good thing that we are no longer under the law, but grace!
Christ’s death was not meaningless. He died so sinners like us wouldn’t have to answer to God on judgement day for each and every thing we did! What a wonderful thing! I know that I would not pass God’s judgement! Praise the Lord for His Goodness and Grace!
Jesus existence is pretty much an historical fact! There are few historians who would debate this one!
It’s great to get another perspective from you guys, thanks!
Yours in Christ,
tim
29 September 2005, on 8:52 am
Preventing homosexuals from serving in the military does one thing. It gives an excuse to not give them equal rights with heterosexuals like marriage rights. But it’s still bigotry and that should be beneath us.
Doesn’t homophobes realize that homosexuality is natural population control? There will ALWAYS be a certain percentage of the population that is homosexual, and not everyone will be homosexual so the extinction premise is moot. Homosexuality is natural and it’s always a mistake to live outside of nature.
Jesus’ death WAS meaningless. If Jesus was God the creator of all things, then Christian ideology is essentially this. “God sacrificed himself to himself to save us from his own wrath over something which he himself created.” That’s not wonderful, it’s nonsense and it always was.
You “Praise the lord for his goodness and grace”? Have you even read the bible? The God of the bible is a monster. He’s petty, cruel, unjust, quick to anger, vengeful, manipulative, homophobic, idiotic, murderous, and wasteful. He has a great deal in common with Hitler.
There is no real hard evidence that Jesus existed. That is a fact. If there were Christians the world over would have waved it beneath the noses of all who doubt, as they did James’ Ossuary, and the Shroud of Turin both of which have been proven fake. That’s as good as it gets when it comes to Judeo/Christian proofs. You can’t prove something that isn’t factual. The best you can hope to do is fake it.
29 September 2005, on 10:19 am
Tim,
It would be impossible for homosexuality to lead to extinction. Homosexuality is a BIOLOGICAL
29 September 2005, on 10:32 am
Ack, damn keyboard… anyway, as I was saying, Tim-
“is a BIOLOGICAL” phenomenon- attributing morality to it is as inane as saying humanity is immoral for having sex with “pee-pee” parts. Yada yada, Jesus did exist, I don’t dispute that; however, Charles Manson’s followers also believed him to be divine. A single, charasmatic sociopath can get a thousand nuts to follow him/her- and then, like Scientology (shiver), will foster other sociopathic grifters that will edit the mythology into a vast, freedom, intelligence and economic vacuum. Have you ever seen Pat Robertson’s house? I guarantee there are no Katrina victims there. Want to see Pat Robertson get richer? Tithe.
29 September 2005, on 10:33 am
…Jesus existence is pretty much an historical fact!…
Anyone can make a claim. Can you back it up? Maybe with some mention from a concurrent historian?
5 October 2005, on 9:29 am
Tim, “After his death, his followers decided that Jesus had been divine. This did not happen immediately; as we shall see, the doctrine that Jesus has been God in human form was not finalized until the fourth century. The development of Christian belief in the incarnation was a gradual, complex process. Jesus himself certainly never claimed to be God.” Religious scholar, Karen Armstrong.