Evangelical Assholes
31 October 2005 by Bob
Some Christians using Halloween to evangelize
Faith Meyer gives the good stuff at Halloween – Snickers, Butterfingers and Baby Ruths. But each child who stops by her North Dallas home also gets a Gospel tract. [...] “It’s just so wonderful to be bilingual with my tracts,” she said. “You’ll see the child take the tract and hand it to the parent. You’ll see the parent reading it, and most of the time I’ll have someone turn around to me and smile.” [...] Evangelical Christians have long debated whether to observe Halloween, with its pagan roots and witchcraft imagery. But an increasing number of evangelicals are, like Ms. Meyer, making Oct. 31 a prime time for witnessing. They do so with colorful little booklets whose bottom line is that only those who profess Jesus as savior will go to heaven.
Yes, start out with getting the perfect Incredibles or Thomas the Train or Batman costume and going door-to-door to get candy — but come home thinking you’re going to burn in hell forever.
Nice. Happy Fucking Halloween.
“Turn to you and smile” when they get your tract, do they? Hmmm. Wonder why they’d ever do that.
1 November 2005, on 12:02 am
My original intent was to post this titillating experience on my own site.
But after seeing today’s most recent ramblings shared on GIFS; I decided: Who better to share this with, than my friends at GIFS?
And so I begin. ::clears throat::
I had the wonderful pleasure of waiting on a beautiful couple this evening at the restaurant I work at. They were nice people, this couple.
The woman ordered a glass of red wine. The man a large IPA. They ordered a pizza.
While waiting for their pizza to be made, they guzzled down their cocktails like they just finished chatting with one of their sponsors from an A.A. meeting about the delirium tremors they had been experiencing when they awoke earlier this morning. So they order another round.
Once their pizza arrived, they shoveled that thing down like it was their last meal. They then proceeded to order another pizza.
That pie didn’t stand a chance with them. They gobbled that thing up so fast, that when I caught the woman fervently tonguing the empty pizza plate, along with the man whispering in a panicked voice, “Let me get a taste! Come on! Let me get a taste!”, I knew I had some trouble on my hands.
Soon after they ordered dessert.
Silently I’m wondering to myself if these people have a severe case of the tape-worm.
Alas! They are finished with their meals.
I present them with their check.
I, being the caring soul that I am, ask them if they are attending any Halloween parties this evening.
The woman responds with: “NO! We’re Christians!”
When those words came out of that woman’s mouth, I froze. I froze for maybe 3 seconds. In silence. Not uttering a word. However, I kid you not, I heard the distant chirp of crickets echoing above the horizon. I didn’t know whether to laugh or..or..I didn’t know what to say.
So my response to this woman was, (and my tone of voice was solemn, sincere, and completely baffled): “Are you serious?”
Her response: “OH YEAH! God didn’t intend for us to be scared!”
Oh. Oh how I wanted to get on my soap-box right then and there.
But I couldn’t.
Her husband hadn’t filled in the tip amount on the credit-card slip.
I have learned to never get into any sort of theological, religious, or political discussion with a paying customer. ESPECIALLY, when they haven’t signed the credt-card slip yet.
I was so perplexed. Why does being a Christian have anything to do, or NOT to do with Halloween?
Why did this woman feel she had to wave her Christian label around?
Especially after binge drinking, wolfing down two pizzas and a dessert. WTF?!?!
1 November 2005, on 6:08 am
It could be worse. A lot of Christians now send their kids to these ‘Halloween Hells’; Haunted houses that depict hell and damnation to the passing kiddies. Interestingly, Halloween is one of the few pagan holidays that Christians were never able to usurp, unlike Christmas (Winter Solstice) and Easter (Ostare). I hope it stays that way.
1 November 2005, on 9:43 am
Any kid would just throw that garbage out and go for the Butterfinger.
1 November 2005, on 9:44 am
* Guess who’s back*
“Especially after binge drinking, wolfing down two pizzas and a dessert. WTF?!?! ”
-You know I love you Dena, but are you telling me that that couple dont have the right to * voice their beliefs* just coz they eat too much?? Too quick?? Lick their plate?? -
This is my confession…I AM A HALLOWEEN CELEBRATING CHRISTIAN [though I didnt do it this year]…so you see, not all ‘Xians’ are against it.
Now, what I wanna know is WHICH ONE OF YOU WENT TO MY BLOG AND WROTE PROFANITIES ON MY TAGBOARD…some people are SO childish!
1 November 2005, on 9:51 am
* Guess who’s back*
yippee skippee
WHICH ONE OF YOU WENT TO MY BLOG AND WROTE PROFANITIES ON MY TAGBOARD
I’m sure I speak for all the bloggers on GifS when I say we would not do such a thing. But since you would never EVER post that kind of accusation WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE, WHAT SHALL WE DO ABOUT THIS?
1 November 2005, on 10:52 am
Tish: I have no problem with anyone voicing their opinion. (Duh. I visit here quite frequently)
The thing that caught me off-guard and just made no sense to me, was the fact that this woman felt she had to wave her faith in my face. Why, when I asked them, if they were attending any Halloween parties that evening, couldn’t she just have said, “No, we aren’t going to any parties this evening.”
She didn’t answer me that way though. She answered me with something that made
no sense to me. Really. Why does her faith have anything to do with the question
I asked this woman. Because I only asked this woman if she was attending any Halloween
parties, not if she believed in Jesus Christ. Yet, she felt she needed to share that ever so important piece of information.
(And regarding the way they sucked down their food and drink; that was my way of
saying they resembled glutton’s.)
1 November 2005, on 3:34 pm
How exactly does the handing out of tracts harm anyone? If it is not wanted discard it. From your point of view the children still recieve their candy and to the evangel they are simply doing what is their natural call. In both ways these are acts of kindness. I think you have grouped what you see as bad Christian experiences into a bag with the people who are simply trying to love their brothers/sisters. Just as you would wish for Christians not to group all non-believers into a pagan, bane-on-society, need-to-be-saved, evil gang - shouldn’t you offer Christians the same consideration?
1 November 2005, on 3:40 pm
I bet your line of thinking would completely change were I to hand out atheist literature to every trick-or-treater.
1 November 2005, on 5:13 pm
I’m in full support of such handings-out. The kiddies will love ‘em! Why drop acid when you can just read a Chick tract?
1 November 2005, on 7:06 pm
I bet your line of thinking would completely change were I to hand out atheist literature to every trick-or-treater.
You have that right. I am not the ultimate Judge. AND it forces Christians to explain to their children why people believe these things contrary to what they are being taught. It forces parents to defend thier convictions.
I’m in full support of such handings-out. The kiddies will love ‘em! Why drop acid when you can just read a Chick tract?
Amazing… brilliant… inspired… well done.
1 November 2005, on 10:05 pm
i think it depends on your kids age, doesn’t it? My friends and I went trick-or-treating when we were probably a little too old, and it was always great to get a chick track because they’re so over-the-top funny. (Although giving them out instead of candy is a big no no!) But it’s like a B-rated horror flick. I don’t think I’d show a 5 year old Biker Chicks in Zombie town; they aren’t old enough to mst3k it, and otherwise those zombies might be a little disturbing. Similarly, a 5 year old might not get the humor of a chick track. Although it of course varies with the maturity of the child.
2 November 2005, on 9:20 am
I said bet your line of thinking would completely change were I to hand out atheist literature to every trick-or-treater. (Yes, I get to be in bold.)
You said You have that right.
So it’s ok for you to hand out your Xian bullshit, but I can’t hand out my logic pieces!? What country do you live in again?
AND it forces Christians to explain to their children why people believe these things contrary to what they are being taught. It forces parents to defend thier convictions.
You wouldn’t be able to refute what I said. I’d provide evidence - something religion can’t do.
2 November 2005, on 10:27 am
Hell Yea Rockstar, I’m sick of being handed / being told about religions by religious assholes… how would they like it if I went to their house or job to hand them atheist literature or talked to them about their imaginary gods.
That’s the biggest problem here… the xians need to be condemned for how they affect poeple who do not share thier beliefs… due to their beliefs of spreading their disease to every unspoiled corner of the world they need to be condemned as a group! They will not stop until we stop them… they need to be forced to stop spreading their bullshit!
2 November 2005, on 11:41 am
Ryan-
Working from your perspective Ryan, no. From mine you have to understand I can’t wrap my head around your beliefs. I’m pretty sure (even in your response) I said “you have that right” to hand out whatever you desire, just like I do. You don’t have to agree with me, I don’t have to agree with you. I was simply curious to see if you were interested in having a conversation or pissing match. Since I see it quickly evolved into a pissing match I am not terrible interested. He who has ears let him hear, peace in Christ.
Chris-
Take a nap or back off on the sugar intake. Your aggression towards Christians is totally ironic to me as it is exactly what you are upset about happening to you. Apparently two wrongs make a right for you?
2 November 2005, on 12:19 pm
From mine you have to understand I can’t wrap my head around your beliefs…
I’m sure.
Since I see it quickly evolved into a pissing match I am not terrible interested…
Ha. That all ya got, insults? Proselytize somewhere else. You’ll get nowhere here, as we are interested in things real, not made up.
Story Time Alert
If it’s a “pissing match”, then here’s how it’s going:
Rockstar: Everybody check out this awesome stream of piss! It’s flowing!
Everybody: Awesome Rockstar! We see it!
SinnerSaint: Hey Everybody! I just pissed over there in the corner and it was WAY bigger/more than Ryan’s!
Everybody: But, we didn’t see you pee. And there’s not even a piss stain in the corner. All you did was come over and SAY you peed more than Rockstar.
SinnerSaint: But I did!
(crickets)
2 November 2005, on 12:20 pm
…it quickly evolved …
Oh, yeah - I thought you guys deny evolution..
2 November 2005, on 12:34 pm
“I was simply curious to see if you were interested in having a conversation or pissing match. Since I see it quickly evolved into a pissing match I am not terrible interested. He who has ears let him hear, peace in Christ.”
Translation: “I can’t make you believe my bullshit, therefore you’re MEAN!”
Man how predictable.
2 November 2005, on 12:46 pm
I wouldnt mind if atheists handed out their literature…in a way this blog is kinda spreading your atheism message…what bores me to death is the fact that *many of you* seem to think that the best way to get your message across is to insult Christians…it aint hot! I’ve heard people say ‘why cant we just love each other and be good without religion e.t.c’ after they’ve called me ’stupid’ and ‘ignorant’ e.t.c. Just on this site I’ve been called many names and I’m thinking ‘hang on minute, didnt you just say…?’
-Rockstar Ryan-
This is like a for real question ok? I just wanna know, which books have you been reading about evolution that prove it…coz I’ve gone to so many websites, looked at so many books e.t.c. and most people dont buy the evolution deal. I just want you to recommend 1 book or a website that I can read and get your point of view. Thanks. xoxo
2 November 2005, on 12:53 pm
“Take a nap or back off on the sugar intake. Your aggression towards Christians is totally ironic to me as it is exactly what you are upset about happening to you. Apparently two wrongs make a right for you?”
My aggression towards xians is well deserved …the aggression of xians is thick in the streets …keep your dog shit out of my yard and I won’t throw my used toilet water at you!
Goddam xians in my face everywhere I look …I’m just getting back in theirs!
2 November 2005, on 1:28 pm
the fact that *many of you* seem to think that the best way to get your message across is to insult Christians…it aint hot!
Well, again Tish, I’m sure you have evidence for this. We don’t have a message. We’re against all things irrational, illogical, and downright dumb.
which books have you been reading about evolution that prove it…coz I’ve gone to so many websites, looked at so many books e.t.c. and most people dont buy the evolution deal.
Tish, I’m sure everyone here will agree - you DO NOT want to get into this with me. I’ll make you look like an even bigger fool than your commentary would lead the peanut gallery to believe. We’ll start with this - evolution is a fact. It need not be proven again.
2 November 2005, on 1:51 pm
How exactly does the handing out of tracts harm anyone?
You know, you’re right, it doesn’t harm anyone. In fact, it helps a lot. The kids I accompanied
on Halloween came back to my house afterwards to sort out their candy and trade. They all got a
little tract from the same house, bundled with a few small candy bars. They opened them and read
them aloud and they all began laughing hysterically. They thought it was the funniest thing they
had ever read. We all had a good laugh and I’m confident that none of these kids really takes God
or Jesus seriously. They may not realize it yet, but they are on the path to atheism, and that just warms my heart.
2 November 2005, on 2:12 pm
Nice shot Bruce… I also love to read that stuff for a good laugh. I always finish with the same feeling though… how stupid do you have to be to read that and think, “hey, yea, you know I’m gonna go right down to that church and repent” …I mean who could possibly be brought into their insanity by way of that crap they write. It’s like they are Pedro: “Vote for me and all your wildest dreams will come true”. Who’s buying that shit …you need to be borderline retarded to buy into that …at that point the xians are just taking advantage of the handicapped!
2 November 2005, on 6:47 pm
If anyone cares to handout stuff at Halloween or any other time, you can go here at the Normal Bob Smith site. I personally prefer the “Is God Real?” flyer. Actually left it in the laundry room in my apartment complex (several times).
3 November 2005, on 2:17 am
Bob said:
Yes, start out with getting the perfect Incredibles or Thomas the Train or Batman costume and going door-to-door to get candy — but come home thinking you’re going to burn in hell forever.
HA!
3 November 2005, on 2:19 am
PS: That last Bob quote I just quoted back has me thinking. A book is in the making… The best quotes from “God is for Suckers.” There are so many gems here I can’t stand it.
3 November 2005, on 2:31 am
-RR-
I didnt wanna get into anything with you as a matter of fact…I just wanted a recommendation…thanks for the website…immediately after writing this, I intend on having a read. Thank you.
As for the insults thing…c’mon! Ask Marcus, Im sure he will tell you of the many *delightful names* he’s given me since I’ve been on here. Just in this thread, I’ve been mercilessly called a ‘twit/twat.’ And all because I am a Christian. And dont get me started on the many atheists I’ve met in real life in all my 21 years who have been less than kind to me…
3 November 2005, on 9:13 am
-Tish-
Were that your true intention, I apologize; I was in the wrong. As a long time defender of science and crusader against anti-science (ID/Creationism), the flags went up when you said which books have you been reading about evolution that prove it…coz I’ve gone to so many websites, looked at so many books e.t.c. and most people dont buy the evolution deal. I just want you to recommend 1 book or a website that I can read and get your point of view.
I hope you enjoy TalkOrigins.org, and see that evolution is a fact AND a theory. I also hope you see that evolution is totally compatible with your faith in god/gods. You can email me with any questions (use my work addy - ryanATsimktDOTcom) or post ‘em here. Again, sorry Tish. I should remember that Australia is one of the good guys when it comes to science.
3 November 2005, on 12:41 pm
“most people dont buy the evolution deal.”
Perhaps if you STOP LYING no one would be insulting you.
“And all because I am a Christian. ”
It’s not because you’re a Christian. It’s because you’ve invaded an atheist site talking about your goofy delusion of sky-pixies. What do you think happens to atheists who go to xtian sites - the same fucking thing.
4 November 2005, on 2:26 pm
-Lya Kahlo-
What do you mean stop lying? About what?
“It’s not because you’re a Christian. ”
…Like I said, all because I am a Christian. This blog is on public domain…surely the people who made this site knew that many different people would come on here…
PS; I have a sneaky suspicion that you dont like me…oh well!
4 November 2005, on 3:04 pm
“most people dont buy the evolution deal.”
That, Tishy. That’s a big fuckin’ lie.
7 November 2005, on 10:33 am
Ryan pointed out a lie, let me point out another.
“…Like I said, all because I am a Christian. This blog is on public domain…surely the people who made this site knew that many different people would come on here…
PS; I have a sneaky suspicion that you dont like me…oh well!”
THIS is what I mean by lying. I clearly explained what’s going on here, and yet this garbage is what you come back with.
So, once again- the treatment you receive here has nothing to do with what silly superstitions you have. It has everything to do with your dishonesty.
And spare me the “oh well” tripe. Grow up. I can’t like or dislike you. I don’t know you.
18 November 2005, on 11:21 am
Well getting back to the topic that was raised…
I have a unique perspective on this. I was raised Catholic (which as I remember was perfectly fine with Halloween), considered myself a militant athiest for about 10 years, and now consider myself an agnostic (I believe there is some sort of higher power, but I think the major religions have it all wrong.)
On the surface, I find those Chick tracts amusing. Some of them are harmless idiocy (The “Satan created Rock music” one is a knee slapper.) However some other ones are not and are clear examples of “hate literature”. These are the ones that discuss other faiths (Buddhism, Judiasm, Catholicism, Islam, etc) and tell the reader why that particular faith is “evil” and “wrong” and people who follow it are going to “hell”.
I equate those particular intolerant tracts the same as Nazi/KKK propaganda. It’s amazing to me that someone won’t mind that sort of thing passed to their kids! If someone in the neighborhood was passing out KKK literature during holloween they’d be run out of town!
Children are VERY impressionable and I believe that the only ones that should be involved in a child’s spiritual exploration should be their parents, not some stranger handing out a big heaping helping of intolerance every Holloween. I had the fortune of being raised by a devout Catholic mother and a “Catholic” (note the quotes) father who tought me to “question everything” and not to take anything at face value.
-=/ODA
21 November 2005, on 10:22 am
and now consider myself an agnostic (I believe there is some sort of higher power, but I think the major religions have it all wrong.)
That’s not really a position that’s described by the term “agnostic”. Agnosticism is basically “don’t know, don’t care”. Your position might best be described as Deism. You’re in good company (Thomas Jefferson, Isaac Newton, et al)