The Asshole Chronicles
25 November 2005 by Bob
Churches send in the faithful to put Narnia on map
CHURCH leaders are encouraging families to see The Chronicles of Narnia over Christmas because of the new Disney film’s Christian message. The Walt Disney organisation has appointed Christian Publishers and Outreach, an evangelistic publishing company, to promote the Christian message behind the story in churches across Britain. [...] The church has also set up a website aslanisJesus.co.uk to promote the Christian message of the film described as “Passion of Christ for kids”. [...] A Methodist spokesman said: “Churches are encouraged to explore this theme by engaging with the journey of Lucy, Edmund, Peter and Susan, as through the wardrobe, they enter a world of ice and snow where it is always winter, but never Christmas. Congregations are asked to consider what the world would be like if Christmas never came and are reminded of the importance of the gift we are given at Christmas, past, present and future.”
What would it be like “if xmas never came?” Umm, maybe just ask people who aren’t xian?
25 November 2005, on 12:30 pm
“Umm, maybe just ask people who aren’t xian? ”
Shhhhhh, Bob! Don’t try to inject common sense into their steadfast dumbassedness.
25 November 2005, on 2:53 pm
“always winter, but never Christmas” … why not just ask the southern half of the planet where december 25th comes in summer
25 November 2005, on 3:04 pm
If Christmas never came ? What doe that even mean ? How can December 25th not “come” ? Or do they mean if “Jesus” never existed ? The world would look the same, since “Jesus” never existed.
26 November 2005, on 4:23 am
Yes he did, he just wasn’t the son of a deity. He was just some kind of wacked out, power-hungry tribal leader. Or something.
26 November 2005, on 4:29 pm
I’ll probably see the movie despite the Christian undertones, but mainly because I liked the books as a kid.
““always winter, but never Christmas” … why not just ask the southern half of the planet where december 25th comes in summer ”
My first thought too. That’s too funny. But remember, the southern half of the planet is mostly godless naked savages or a bunch of Mary-worshipping Catholics. This group probably doesn’t consider them worth considering.
26 November 2005, on 9:17 pm
““always winter, but never Christmas” … why not just ask the southern half of the planet where december 25th comes in summer”
I spent last Christmas in Brasil and it really didn’t feel like Christmas at all. I was on the equator and so it was sunny and hot all day. No Christmas trees and no big Jesuses, but there were lights and decorations. I don’t know…but maybe it’s because I associate Christmas with family-time and not Jesus H. Christ. Honestly, who says, “Hey everyone! It’s Christmas! Before we think of buying each other presents and planning big family gatherings and holiday office parties, let’s remember how Jesus shed his blood for us, which is signified in the red of candy canes and things of this nature….” ha. ha.
27 November 2005, on 4:43 am
Mitch said: He was just some kind of wacked out, power-hungry tribal leader. Or something.
My response: Do you really feel that way? Do you really feel that Jesus was some wacked-out, power-hungry tribal leader?
I have never envisioned Jesus as being such a thing. He was a regular man. Just like you and I. If anyone was a power-hungry tribal leader it wasn’t Him. Jesus didn’t put on the pious.
He was a rebel. A smooooth operator. He went against the grain.
He wasn’t about organized religion or power. He was what he IS. A mysterious rebel in a leather jacket. The pervibial “Fonz”, if you will. He was a gangsta.
He was a normal fella just like you or I.
27 November 2005, on 4:48 am
I’m going to be completely OCD and anal-retentive. (If you read my blog, you’d understand..)
Can I be so bold as to correct my spelling?
Fuck it.
Y’all know what I was trying to say. Suck my balls and dip them in some egg-nog.
Sincerely,
Don’t Ever Nag Another.
27 November 2005, on 4:55 am
P.S. I am reading: “The Da Vinci Code”, right now. I’m hungry like the wolf. Anybody want to have a little banter regarding this novel? I’m not trying to throw a verbal wrestling-match
out there. However, this book has raised a pluthera of questions within. It has also
spawned an intense desire to study art-work of Da Vinci. I am thoroughly intrigued.
Does anyone want to have some intellectual-intercourse with me?
::waiting patiently with a mattress strapped to her brain::
27 November 2005, on 8:22 am
“Yes he did, he just wasn’t the son of a deity. He was just some kind of wacked out, power-hungry tribal leader. Or something.”
Actually, the historical evidence we have shows that there was no person “Jesus” at all. It was a purely mythic evolution from Q Document to the Gospels to the early Christian sects, who progressively adopted “Jesus” as a human being throughout the centuries.
27 November 2005, on 8:23 am
And the phrase I prefer to use to describe the character “Jesus” is “frustrated failed aopcalyptic cult leader”.
27 November 2005, on 6:58 pm
Dena: since I don’t read fiction anymore, I’ll have to wait for the movie to get into it with you.
I can say that I stood before the Mona Lisa once and nearly wept. The man was a genius.
27 November 2005, on 8:33 pm
I hate to do this, but I have to pimp this blog I started a few weeks ago, “Operation Nativity”. Having just discovered “God is for Suckers” (thank you Neural Gourmet), I can honestly say everyone here will appreciate it. It’s a satirical site dedicated to ’saving Christmas from the Infidels’. A lot of work, but it’s worth it to chronicle this strange moment in our country’s history. Check it out if you get a chance.
Just for the record; I think a man named Jesus did exist. I believe he espoused incredibly unpopular Liberal beliefs, and was executed for those beliefs. He was then adopted as a Messianic figure after the fact; the details of his life tailored for maximum inspirational/controlling effect on various enslaved peoples in that region of the world. Just my take on things.
28 November 2005, on 8:39 am
Don’t want to read the ““The Da Vinci Code”. It is based on the non-fiction book “Holy Blood Holy Gral.”
Priest are the pushers of the opiate of the masses.
28 November 2005, on 9:25 am
I’ll go ahead and say that there probably was a Yeshua - Bar - Yoseph, and was probably either a religious leader or revolutionary.
28 November 2005, on 10:56 am
“I’ll go ahead and say that there probably was a Yeshua - Bar - Yoseph, and was probably either a religious leader or revolutionary. ”
I rather think he was a sort of Robin Hood or King Arthur type figure - a mish mash of multiple legends and people creating a paragon . . . of sorts . . .