Whew!
30 November 2005 by Bob
Remember “limbo,” and all those unbaptised babies?
According to doctrine, they could not go to heaven because their original sin had not been expunged by baptism. Yet they had done nothing to harm anyone so they scarcely deserved purgatory, let alone hell. Limbo also proved a useful solution to other problems such as where to put holy people who lived before Christ and who also had no chance of baptism. [...] When he was still a cardinal, the present pope, Benedict, said he was in favour of dropping the concept so it is unlikely that the theologians will decide otherwise.
Now all we have to figure out is why God made them suffer for days, weeks, and months before killing them in horrible ways in the first place. But for all you lucky people who were worried about those unbaptised babies, you can rest easy now. They’re just fine. No, really.
30 November 2005, on 10:56 am
How many Christians will read this story and finally realize that their religion is just a bunch of rules and stories invented by men?
30 November 2005, on 1:10 pm
How many Xtians will read this story and NOT be completely embarrassed? I would be if I were one of them.
30 November 2005, on 1:19 pm
“Limbo was concocted in the 13th century as a solution to the theological conundrum of what happened to babies who died before they were christened.”
Go, Guardian… Telling it like it is.
But the bibble is still the literal word of god. Let’s not confuse the works of man with the works of god.
Now let’s talk about that little issue of suicides: people made so miserable by god in this life that they were all too willing to exit it stage left — but now spending all of eternity in hell for trying to end their corporeal suffering.
God punishes his children in this life — out of sheer perverted pleasure, I suppose — then makes them suffer forever when they try to make the pain stop. There’s a loving doctrine for you. And a deity worth my vote.
30 November 2005, on 1:27 pm
Limbo was concocted in the 13th century.
At the very end of the Bible there are warnings concerning the adding and/or taking away from the Bible. Revelation 22:18-21. Back in the 13th century people did not have Bibles in there hands to read for themselves, but now we do. The Roman Catholic Church is heading in the direction of reform. If Limbo is not biblical (and it is not biblical) than it should be removed. Any Christian that reads about this will find this to be a good sign of change.
30 November 2005, on 1:44 pm
Back in the 13th century people did not have Bibles in there hands to read for themselves, but now we do.
Umm…there was no such thing as Bibles in the 13th century…? So how did any of these fuckers personally know Yeshua - Bar - Yoseph?
Any Christian that reads about this will find this to be a good sign of change.
That what? Your nonsense was created from nothing in the 13th century? Or that religion…EVOVLED???
30 November 2005, on 2:05 pm
“Or that religion…EVOVLED??? ”
BWAAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA
right on.
30 November 2005, on 3:04 pm
Ryan,
Why did people in general not have a Bible in their hands back in the 13 centery? Could this have to do with the printing press? The Bible has a history, it was not just dug up in the desert near L. Ron Hubbard’s manifesto.
http://www.askfactmaster.com/Bible
Martin Luther (originally Martin Luder) (November 10, 1483 - February 18, 1546) was a German theologian of the Christian religion and an Augustinian monk whose teachings inspired the Protestant Reformation and deeply influenced the doctrines of Protestant and other Christian traditions (a broad movement composed of many congregations and church bodies). His call to the Church to return to the teachings of the Bible resulted in the formation of new traditions within Christianity and the Counter-Reformation in the Roman Catholic Church, culminating at the Council of Trent.
30 November 2005, on 3:04 pm
Isn’t the pope supposed to be infallible? Are the modern day super-popes “more infalliable” than those of the 13th century?
30 November 2005, on 3:15 pm
Why did people in general not have a Bible in their hands back in the 13 centery? Could this have to do with the printing press?
I dunno. You said people didn’t have Bibles back then. I tend to think they did, with or without moveable type.
30 November 2005, on 3:43 pm
Ryan,
Back than, all that people knew about what the Bible really said was through the spoken word, that is why Martin Luther was almost killed, because he didn’t shed very good light on the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. Martin Luther did not want to distroy the Church, he just wanted to stop false teachings. This kind of false teaching is most likely the biggest reason that people are turning off from the church and don’t read the Bible for themselves.
30 November 2005, on 3:43 pm
On the issue of the pope’s infallibility: this is a notion often abused by those outside Catholicism, which is unfortunate since it’s so utterly silly in its original form anyway. The Catholic Church doesn’t teach that from a pope’s election to his death everything he says is the literal word of god. Rather its teaching is that the pope *can be* divinely inspired to convey the word of God in order to clarify doctrine and settle disputes. Only pronouncements made in a certain ritual setting - I think there’s a chair to be sat in, and possibly a hat to be worn - are ‘infallible’, and generally popes limit themselves to issues of dogma rather than more mundane questions. I think the bodily assumption of Mary was one such infallible decree.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papal_infallibility
30 November 2005, on 4:19 pm
” I think there’s a chair to be sat in,”
Right. And when he’s sitting in said chair – it’s not the Pope speaking, it’s god. So nothing he says can be wrong.
(and if I remember correctly, JP II was sitting in that chair when he said there will be no discussion about female priests. Gotta love “divinely inspired”sexism)
And they wonder why we think they’re all lunatics.
30 November 2005, on 4:27 pm
It’s called “ex cathedra” IIRC.
I move we steal this chair, and use to proclaim that God doesn’t exist.
30 November 2005, on 5:05 pm
This is part of what I find hilarious about Catholicism in particular. If I’m reading the descriptions of the Assumption correctly, it is an automatically excommunicable offense to say that Mary’s body was not taken into heaven on her death. Yet a great number of Catholics probably would deny believing that heaven is a place where people have bodies, and would be completely unaware that their beliefs are actually heretical.
30 November 2005, on 7:07 pm
Let’s not forget that Jesus is up in heaven too, and is as physically real as you and I. I’ve always wondered where he ascended TO, considering that we now know that (possibly) infinite space is up beyond the clouds. In any case, imagine having to interact with your mom - for all eternity, forever and ever. “Jesus, you’re 2005 years old. Will you PLEASE pick up after yourself and stop behaving like a sloppy child? I’m your mother, not your maid.” “Jesus, when are you going to settle down with a nice Jewish girl and give me some grandchildren already? What, don’t you LIKE women?”
Ugh, sounds dreadful to me.
1 December 2005, on 12:09 pm
OK, just in from Yahoo News:
Last October, seven months before he died, Pope John Paul asked the commission to come up with “a more coherent and enlightened way” of describing the fate of such innocents.”
So they go in and MAKE MORE STUFF UP? Where does religion draw the line in making things up?
2 December 2005, on 2:10 am
I sat in my favorite chair today, wore my favorite Fedora, and declared my big right toe capable of making miniature pink unicorns fly out of your ass.
Rockstar, Bob, Marcus: keep your eyes peeled in the next few days. I prayed for your asses to serve as testing grounds. If Joseph Smith can read shit nobody else can read with a magic hat, and all the pope has to do is sit in a chair and don his fave headdress, I figger my plan has a shot.
Those unicorns may be hungry when they emerge from your ass, by the way. I hear they love corn on the cob.
2 December 2005, on 10:55 am
Sean,
Two words- comedy gold.
2 December 2005, on 11:53 am
Fuck you dude. I prayed that the souls of all the deformed and handicapped children that the LORD (Praise the LORD!)created due to his grand scheme grab a meteor and descend it directly upon your home. Take that!
3 December 2005, on 1:25 am
Still here, dude. Where’s the meteor? Nya! Nya!
Wonder if Frank or Jeff or any of our other pals make random malicious prayers just to see if Dawg is listening. Or even positive prayers. Has he answered any that can’t be explained by natural phenomena?
George Carlin summed this shit up:
And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that’s a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I’m sure you’ll like that. Then there’s Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn’t care for, by the way. And finally, I’ve always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” That’s because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was. In fact, I’m gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody’s okay? All right, tell you what, I’ll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I’ve got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I’m blind. I’m blind, oh, now I’m okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!
George Carlin: There is no god