Small Town Morality
26 January 2006 by MarcusAs much as I hate to support them, I normally buy condoms at a nearby Wal-Mart during weekly shopping trips (trust me, this is going somewhere)- Wal-Mart, being the only store within 100 miles to have all of the groceries we want. This week, I went to buy condoms in the town which we currently reside. Our little grocery did not have them. I refused to look for them in the dollar store (now made with real rubber!).
I finally collapsed and went into the one pharmacy in town, knowing that they would charge twice the normal cost. After some time of looking through the shelves, one of the pharmacy employees approached me and asked, “Can I help you find something?”
“Where would the condoms be?” I asked with total sincerity and seriousness- I am an adult after all.
“We don’t have condoms.”
“You’re a pharmacy without condoms?”
“Well,” she scoffs, “that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”
I could feel my eye twitch and I wanted beat the smile off of her face; however, I just laughed and said, “Whatever makes you happy.”
After reading the inferno of the abortion comments (did we expect any different), I am only reminded of the fundamental problem in religion-fueled, forced ignorance about sexuality. Removing proper sex education from public schools and replacing it with abstinence education is morally reprehensible. Our teens should not be made afraid of sex and told to ignore their own sexuality- they should know the cost of improper decisions made before, during, and after a sex act. Really, abstinence education forces your children to get a sex education from parties that are far less informed:
1. Their peers (your dick gets hard cause there is a dick bone that comes from the bottom of your spine)
2. Hollywood (sex will lead to either the greatest relationship of your life or a bloody, gruesome demise)
3. The internet (all women want to gag on your cock; all men can give you multiple, mind shattering orgasms)
4. Etc, etc…
Unfortunately, this ignorance about contraception will only lead to more unwanted pregnancies; thus, a greater rate of abortion, a greater rate of STD infections, a greater rate of families on welfare, and a greater rate of ignorant whores working in pharmacies.
Feel free to list any other social ills that can be linked to ignorance about conceiving and parenting a child.
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26 January 2006, on 11:47 am
“Well,” she scoffs, “that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”
One possible reply: “Wow, that’s really amazing. How did you do that? [she looks confused] No, I mean, you woke up this morning as a little pissant moron with a know-nothing-dumb-down-idiot job in a local pharmacy, and now you’ve just transformed into an Authority on Telling Other People How to Live Their Lives. That’s really incredible. And by the way, does fucking yourself require a condom? No? Maybe you should go do that, then.”
Please…
26 January 2006, on 11:51 am
Bob,
HA!
26 January 2006, on 12:03 pm
I think I need a vacation.
26 January 2006, on 1:28 pm
That’s too much… what if you were married with 20 children and decided that 21 is too many… are you supposed to abstain during marriage too?
How dare they assume that everyone is in agreement with them …that would make me nuts …I would lose it for sure.
26 January 2006, on 1:33 pm
That’s exactly it. Their dizzying stupity is one thing, but couple with their outright self-righteous behavior makes me wish the rapture would come just to rid us of having to deal with them. I need a permanent vacation from this dumbass country.
26 January 2006, on 1:50 pm
So your local pharmacy does not want to promote protected sex? Hope they’ve got a whole aisle of pregnancy kids and cold sore meds.
26 January 2006, on 2:18 pm
Excellent points!
I think you might appreciate this comic:
http://disassemblance.com/index.php?section=strip&strip=050704-sexual-miseducation.png
26 January 2006, on 2:31 pm
Condoms? Condoms? We don’t need no stinking condoms!
26 January 2006, on 2:54 pm
You deserve a medal for not punching her in the face, which would have been my first idea. I would have said : “Why the fuck are you a pharmacist if you don’t like your job ?”
26 January 2006, on 3:07 pm
On our way to Gilead
My small town isn’t as bad as this, I’m happy to say. “Where would the condoms be?” I asked with total sincerity and seriousness—I am an adult after all. “We don’t have condoms.” “You’re a pharmacy without condoms?” “Well,” she…
26 January 2006, on 3:20 pm
Andrea,
I’m fairly certain they don’t need pregnancy kits as they have whole cages full or rabbits in the back.
Lemur,
That looked like spam and I nearly deleted it; however, I looked first. Thanks for the fun comic!
Tremblay,
I think laughing in her face had nearly the same effect- the self righteous somehow can not take a good mocking.
Pharyngula,
I think my wife would lead a resistance group before falling into an Atwoodian hell.
26 January 2006, on 3:21 pm
That’s just…stupefying. You could have asked:
“Do you sell Sudafed?”
“Of course.”
“Why do you want to promote flu?”
Religious people = just plain IDIOTS!
26 January 2006, on 3:35 pm
I’d have just asked her “And what kind of behavior would that be, exactly?”
26 January 2006, on 3:40 pm
Lemur,
That looked like spam and I nearly deleted it; however, I looked first. Thanks for the fun comic!
No prob!
Sorry, about the spam-like qualities. I’m posting in between assignments at work, so don’t have time for extended commentary.
I’m a fairly new reader.
Great blog!
26 January 2006, on 3:54 pm
While we here in germany do also have our load of morons and other nutcases this example here would have been simply laughed out of town.
And, well, I think the best riposte would have been “Ah, you promote sexually transmitted diseases, then?”.
Fondly I remember the minister of parliament (Bundestag) for health and family, Rita Süßmuth, some years ago, demonstrating on TV how a condom should be applied.
I also remember some cases in the US where pharmacies denied fulfilment of receipts for emergency contraception. Such a pharmacy would lose its license really fast over here, by the way. I am glad europe seems to be way more secular, or at least I am getting that impression.
Greetings from germany,
Rossi
26 January 2006, on 4:19 pm
“Well,” she scoffs, “that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”
Well, thank God someone doesn’t want to promote buying condoms at twice the Wal-Mart price!
Also, I don’t know if they have Sudafed…they don’t want to promote any meth-making either. Probably no onanism-promoting lotion and kleenex either…
26 January 2006, on 4:25 pm
Rossi,
Welcome from the United States!
Polynomial,
“Probably no onanism-promoting lotion and kleenex either…”
BWAHHHAHAHAHAHA!
26 January 2006, on 4:42 pm
I am glad europe seems to be way more secular, or at least I am getting that impression.
I may make my own investigations of htat after the next presidential election.
26 January 2006, on 5:42 pm
[...] Via God is for Suckers!, we learn that the pharmacy in his town doesn’t sell condoms. Buh?, you say? Exactly. “Where would the condoms be?” I asked with total sincerity and seriousness- I am an adult after all. [...]
26 January 2006, on 6:07 pm
Martin - In Pennsylvania, if you ask, “Do you sell Sudafed?” the pharmacy employee will respond, “Of course! You can find it right behind the pharmacist’s counter, next to all the other controlled substances that all three meth dealers in the state use in their labs.” Gotta get your Sudafed, like now? Forget it - and take your place in line.
26 January 2006, on 6:23 pm
Yup. Now they are taking names in places like Illinois and Pennsylvania to try to stop meth makers from buying Sudafed.
This country has gone to shit. Moralists are running the show. Time to laugh in all their faces, and even punch them (metaphorically speaking) when needed.
Rossi: welcome. Alas, there are pharmacists all over GW’s ‘Merica right now who are refusing to fill subscriptions for emergency contraception.
Let’s find every self-righteous fundie in the country and have an HIV-positive schizophrenic child murderer rape their daughter without a condom tomorrow.
Ouch. Did I just say that?
Marcus: come live in San Francisco, dude. You and your wife have served your sentence in Baby Jeebusland. Good Vibrations is only about six blocks from my house.
26 January 2006, on 7:31 pm
Sean,
Just a couple more years… we hope to have all our teeth and brain cells at the end. Hopefully, we’ll still know how to use soap.
26 January 2006, on 7:34 pm
“Well,” she scoffs, “that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”
What, responsible behavior? I guess they’re in favor of riding bareback.
26 January 2006, on 7:44 pm
I think you’re making an unfair assumption. Perhaps she was hinting that she wanted a little bareback action. (And perhaps I’ve been learning too much about sex from the Internet.)
26 January 2006, on 7:52 pm
Unfrickingbelievable!
Did you try sending in your boyfriend/husband (sorry, unclear on that point)? A 100 miles is a ways to go, I know. I’d bet there wouldn’t be any problem at all.
Was watching Margaret Cho’s Assassin the other night, & she made a resounding point.
You can get Via_gra anywhere. Why do we need MORE hard-ons? Isn’t that a part of the ‘problem’? (paraphrasing here).
Sue their asses. Call the ACLU. If someone pulled that nonsense on me, they’d be calling security or the cops (I’m a very loud 6 footer).
Someone’s got religious/moral problems w/something? Don’t take a job that conflicts w/them, I say.
Time to start writing letters, I think.
26 January 2006, on 7:53 pm
Oops, sorry about the 100 miles thing. Vein in forehead beginning to throb….
26 January 2006, on 8:39 pm
Reluctant,
Er… I am the husband.
26 January 2006, on 9:09 pm
My apologies, Marcus.
I was under the impression that Lya was the blogger (that’s from the experiment w/Xtian blogs - I was directed here via the Evang. Atheist in re: to that). My bad. Where the hell are my chill pills…?
Anyways, sympathies.
I live in sunny CA., in the Bay Area, & I doubt very much they’d pull that stunt here.
One never knows, though.
26 January 2006, on 9:33 pm
From
1Their peers (your dick gets hard cause there is a dick bone that comes from the bottom…
Ive been a man along time and thats news to me. I’ve always been curioous about that and now I know.WOWW
This pharmacy expects you to trust them with serious matters too.
This is a big country. I know you have your reasons for living there but why not find a less supersticious place.I live in marin county north of San Fran. and just yesterday had a meeting with one of the cchamber of commerces. About 20 people get together and discuss business. I was half listening and I’m not certain what made me pay attention but I think it was. …And for you women who have never bought a vibrator before we can help you get the right one and make sure you know how to use it. Yeah??? I’m certain that is it. Quite a difference in how people live and what is accepted in each community.
JIM
26 January 2006, on 9:39 pm
Reluctant said:
I live in sunny CA., in the Bay Area, & I doubt very much they’d pull that stunt here. One never knows, though.
Me, too. Nah… Ain’t happening here any time soon. But they do lock the condoms up in a case at the front of the grocery store… Due to how expensive they are. So you have to ask a cashier to walk over with you and point out the ones you want. However, this — like most anything — can be turned into a fun exercise. Especially if said cashier is a cutie.
27 January 2006, on 12:53 am
You know, I don’t think people were this stupid before bush came in. Sure there were stupid people, but I think a lot of slightly conservative people became complete fucknuts when this political climate came to being. Group polarization, gotta love it.
27 January 2006, on 1:01 am
I thing you’ve got it all wrong. The only reason they refuse sell condoms is a purely financial calculation that they will earn more money by selling remedies for veneral diseases instead. They want to promote unprotected sex because it is good business!
27 January 2006, on 2:00 am
IMO the best response would be to ask for the dildo’s and vibrators so that you could at least have a little fun …
27 January 2006, on 2:36 am
“that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”
After all, bukkake doesn’t work with condoms.
27 January 2006, on 2:49 am
The follow up question to ask was, “then can I get my viagra scrip filled here at least?”
27 January 2006, on 7:47 am
I KNOW I am going to regreat asking this but wtf is bukkake?
27 January 2006, on 8:24 am
Lya, look it up:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bukakke
27 January 2006, on 8:45 am
Re: Bukkake
BWAHHAHAHAAHHAHA!!!!
Lya,
It’s not nearly as disgusting as regurgitation porn, and that’s all I can say.
27 January 2006, on 8:55 am
Lya,
Go to urbandictionary.com and type it in.
And yes, you are going to regret it.
Cheers
27 January 2006, on 9:06 am
Yep, I definitely regret asking.
27 January 2006, on 10:42 am
As mentioned elsewhere, when I was in the Midwest recently, I heard some women lamenting being on the pill — how insurance doesn’t cover it, etc. A medicial professional spoke up and said, in all seriousness, “Well, there’s always abstinence.”
These women are married. Let’s get it straight from the horse’s mouth. Xians: Do you only fuck at baby-production time and that’s it? And do you also abstain from the “sin” of masturbation? If so, this would explain a lot of your frustrated, angry behavior.
27 January 2006, on 11:36 am
“If so, this would explain a lot of your frustrated, angry behavior. ”
Pre-fucking-zactly. (pun intended) There are four basic needs in life: food, shelter, clothing and companionship (also known as SEX). When you demonize one, you create imbalance. Perhaps assholes like the AFA or Robertson wouldn’t be such assholes if they got off once in a while. All that pent up frustration must take a toll.
27 January 2006, on 12:00 pm
One of the chain pharmacies around here has all the pseudphedrine products behind the counter. The other, and the grocery store I shop at only has the new formulation of Sudafed with some un-meth-able ingredient. The pharmacies still carry condoms though…
27 January 2006, on 3:22 pm
Wow. That made me mad, sad, and scared. Mad cause, wtf???? Sad because prideful, self-satisfied ignorance seems to be winning the battle in the “red states” and I am scared because, what if it’s catching??? I live in a big town/small city in Canada and I can buy condoms in department stores, drug stores and corner stores; I can get the ECP *without* a prescription; a vibrator from the downtown sex store (which looks more like a boutique instead of some dirty, nasty place); my gay friends can get married if they want to and my kids get actual sex education in school. So here’s hoping that our inferiority complex when it comes to all things american doesn’t make us more susceptible to catching the stupid. (please don’t read that as I hate americans, cause I don’t
p.s. this is my first visit to your blog and I will definitely be back!
27 January 2006, on 4:09 pm
Welcome to GiFS, Zanna!
Please remember us here in jizzusland when enjoying your freedoms in Canada!
27 January 2006, on 7:13 pm
“Well,” she scoffs, “that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”
Responsibility about sex? Yes, that’s exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote. Wanted children instead of abused children.
Does she beat her children till they bleed, or only until they bruise? What sort of behavior did she think she was preventing? Is there a child welfare officer in that town?
27 January 2006, on 8:30 pm
The proper reply to the “behavior we want to promote” question is, “That’s OK, you don’t have to fuck my wife. I’ve got it covered. Or I will, once you sell me some goddamn condoms.”
28 January 2006, on 2:45 am
I saw the handwriting on the wall 5 years ago when W go selected. After I retired from the Military three years ago, I settled myself in Washington State, where I could sit out the next 50 years (I should be so lucky) in relative freedom. Now that Simple Sammy is going to be confirmed to Supremes next week, it will only get worse.
28 January 2006, on 9:42 pm
“what if you were married with 20 children and decided that 21 is too many… are you supposed to abstain during marriage too?” Nooooooohhh, of course not! What you are to do, is to trust god to make the right decision for you, that’s what!! If he decides to give you your 21st son, who is your lowly self to say otherwise? Who, uh?!!
Just joking, good site, guys.
29 January 2006, on 3:41 am
Was this troglodyte overweight, like 75 percent of Mississippians? Reason I ask is because the next time she piles into one of the many all-you-can-grub barbecue joints I’m sure exist in Starkville, I’d love to see the hostess refuse to seat her, with the explanation that allowing fat people to eat 2,000-calorie meals is certainly a behavior no one should promote, now, is it?
I think it’s interesting that many of the same people who frown savagely on non-procreational sex have no shame about gorging themselves. In each case it’s just a matter of engaging in an instinct-driven, pleasurable behavior just for the hell of it.
1 February 2006, on 1:36 am
Andrew said:
The proper reply to the “behavior we want to promote” question is, “That’s OK, you don’t have to fuck my wife. I’ve got it covered. Or I will, once you sell me some goddamn condoms.”
Ha!