Xian Parenting Tip # 159: Get Thy Children to a CULT!

31 March 2006 by Aaron


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22 comments to “Xian Parenting Tip # 159: Get Thy Children to a CULT!”

  1. Bruce:

    “Making eye-babies” reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Peter turns his basement into a bar and Lois becomes the main attraction:

    Brian: Something troubling you Peter?
    Peter: Oh no, nothing. Just all of my friends are eye-humping my wife.

    Seriously, I can’t beleive that grown adults would opt for such a big brother type institution. Maybe they like being dominated? Sort of a Christian S&M thing going on. I mean we all know they like snuff films.

    I sort of feel bad for the guy from Egypt. But really, you have money to go to school in the US and you choose this clown college? Either you’re not too bright and should probably choose a career in the food services or house keeping industries or you deserve what you get.

  2. Marcus:

    Heh… maybe they’ll all forget how sex works and their population will thin out.

  3. Reluctant Atheist:

    Sounds like a bunch of fas-theists to me.
    Some of this is cultural, mind you: I know in China, for example, it’s very common for same-sex friends to hold hands, no sexual innuendo is implied. In America, Spongebob Squarepants is accused of homosexuality for doing that (& it’s a FRICKIN’ CARTOON, fer cryin’ out loud).
    Far as I know, the USA (maybe a coupla others) is 1 of the few countries where touching another human being is tantamount to foreplay.
    I saw a news story some years ago, where a transplanted (USA) Muslim family was watching their son’s basketball game, dad patted the girl baby on the butt, that week, social services stepped in & took the children away.
    As to the separate stairwells, why do I think of Saul of Tarsus when I read that?
    This inherent ‘original sin’ horse manure is getting older by the minute.
    More reasons we shouldn’t let folks like this in the government.

  4. Lya Kahlo:

    It’s interesting to me the depths of the “we’re so persecuted” bullshit these people spew. A friend of mine just showed me a post on the friggin American Idol message board saying that the one chick should be more vocal about her christianity (apparently someone sang a gospel song) because christians are so persecuted in this country.

    WTF?

    If this college is what we have to look forward to if/when they take total control, hello New Zealand!

  5. Sean:

    One of the great appeals of fascism is to convince a people that they are being persecuted and should move to persecute those that would persecute them. Sort of a preemptive persecution. The homosexual agenda is coming for you! Get them before they get you!

    I am so glad that nobody from that “college” is actually going to amount to anything.

  6. Bruce:

    According to wikipedia, there is a Republican in the US House right now who is an alum.

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  7. Cassandra:

    Sean said: I am so glad that nobody from that “college” is actually going to amount to anything.

    Oh, I so agree. I feel for these poor kids but we certainly don’t want them in any of the “higher levels” of society (and I know how bad that sounds – sorry).

  8. Sean:

    Well, Bruce found out there’s one who is in the House of Representatives.

    But any meatball can make it into Congress, right? ;-)

  9. King Retard:

    It is completely mind-boggling that adults would subject themselves to that kind of control. Even more mind-boggling is how randomly encountering a group at McDonald’s could be justified as grounds for expulsion. No wonder they believe in “eye babies.” What a bunch of dumbshits.

  10. Reluctant Atheist:

    Sean:
    But any meatball can make it into Congress, right?
    Or President, judging from the current administration.

  11. Gun Of Sod:

    screaming headlong back into the dark ages.

  12. Intercaust:

    Sounds like American Taliban University.

  13. Enemy of Religion:

    This place sounds unimaginable, I’m surprised someone hasn’t sued them for their crazy crap. Who the heck comes up with these insane ludicrous rules ?!? I wouldn’t be surprised if the main building was shaped like a giant cube with alcoves and assimilation chambers instead of dorms and classrooms.

  14. Eve:

    “Sabrina Poirier, a student at Pensacola who withdrew in 1997, was disciplined for what is known on the campus as “optical intercourse” – staring too intently into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex. This is also referred to as ‘making eye babies.’”

    Gee – and here I am thinking I haven’t had any children. Turns out I’ve made hundreds of “eye babies” so far in my filthy, dirty, promiscuous optical sex life! I’m so ashamed, I’m gonna hafta wear blinders from now on *sniffles*.

  15. Sean:

    How many eye-babies are made with each optical intercourse encounter? One for each eye? So four?

    My bi girlfriend and I used to oggle girls together all the time. Think of all the helpless eye-babies we left orphaned in the world.

  16. Eve:

    Sean: My bi girlfriend and I used to oggle girls together all the time.

    Would girl-on-girl optical intercourse even lead to eye babies? Or boy-on-boy?

    What a stupid, ignorant, coitophobic
    concept…

  17. Sean:

    You mean girls and girls can’t make babies together? I thought babies and AIDS came from toilet seats! I am gonna go ask my youth pastor right now.

  18. Eve:

    Sean: I thought babies and AIDS came from toilet seats! I am gonna go ask my youth pastor right now.

    Oh, no, that just gave me another flashback to the Bible Study class that covered sex ed – gotta go work on another post!

  19. Enemy of Religion:

    I’d like to know what sort of stupid idiot christian fanatic came up with the “making eye babies” crap. Nutjob christians never cease to amaze me with the sheer depths of their stupidity, ignorance and crazed fanaticism.

    With all of their wackadoo rules why don’t they just stop getting married and stop having kids ?? By doing so they’re simply proving they’re major hypocrites by violating their own crazy rules.

  20. duquesne_pdx:

    With all of their wackadoo rules why don’t they just stop getting married and stop having kids ?? By doing so they’re simply proving they’re major hypocrites by violating their own crazy rules.

    They’re not supposed to have sex for any other purposes than procreation. Some of them even believe that they’re not supposed to enjoy sex even if it is for procreation. They can have all the sex they want as long as they’re married and doing it for the kids.

    It’s not hypocrisy, though it is entirely stupid.

  21. DoubtingThomas:

    Lots of the religious have problems facing up to sex. Some of them find the whole idea disgusting, others hope that religion will cure them of their sexual compulsions. I suppose they would ban it entirely if they could but they’ve got to think of keeping their numbers up.

  22. Tom Foss:

    I’d like to know what sort of stupid idiot christian fanatic came up with the “making eye babies” crap. Nutjob christians never cease to amaze me with the sheer depths of their stupidity, ignorance and crazed fanaticism.

    I know “eye rape” was a common ‘crime’ attributed to black men back in the Jim Crow days, which basically consisted of looking at white women too long, too presumptuously, or in some kind of subjectively-determined unseemly manner. I imagine this comes out of the same kind of sentiment.