The Willfully Ignorant
20 October 2006 by Raindogzilla
TOPEKA, KS–The second law of thermodynamics, a fundamental scientific principle stating that entropy increases over time as organized forms decay into greater states of randomness, has come under fire from conservative Christian groups, who are demanding that the law be repealed.
“What do these scientists want us teaching our children? That the universe will continue to expand until it reaches eventual heat death?” asked Christian Coalition president Ralph Reed, speaking at a rally protesting a recent Kansas Board Of Education decision upholding the law. “That’s hardly an optimistic view of a world the Lord created for mankind. The American people are sending a strong message here: We don’t like the implications of this law, and we will not rest until it has been reversed in the courts.”
The controversial law of nature, which asserts that matter continually breaks down as disorder increases and heat is lost, has long been decried by Christian fundamentalists as running counter to their religion’s doctrine of Divine grace and eternal salvation.
“Why can’t disorder decrease over time instead of everything decaying?” asked Jim Muldoon of Emporia, KS. “Is that too much to ask? This is our children’s future we’re talking about.”
“I wouldn’t want my child growing up in a world headed for total heat death and dissolution into a vacuum,” said Kansas state senator Will Blanchard (R-Hutchinson). “No decent parent would want that.”
snip.
“The only ‘heat death’ Jesus ever mentioned is the one that sinners will suffer for all eternity in the Lake of Fire,” said Indianola (MS) School Board president Bernice McCallum. “Now more than ever, we need to hear what the Bible has to say about our public schools’ physical-science curricula.”
Leading physicists contend that, as the foundation of much of our current scientific understanding, a reversal of the second law of thermodynamics would have massive ramifications on the future of both our nation and the universe itself.
“Were the second law to be repealed, random particles would collect and organize themselves instead of dissipating, which could affect such basic processes as combustion, digestion, evaporation, convection–that sort of thing,” Columbia University superstring theorist Dr. Brian Greene said. “There wouldn’t be much sunlight, either, because all stars, including our sun, would be collecting photons from surrounding space instead of emitting solar radiation. Oh, and the universe would begin to contract rather than expand, which could possibly turn back the flow of time itself, sending our cosmos spiraling inward toward a reverse Big Bang, a sort of ‘Big Crunch,’ if you will.”
Despite such warnings, the grassroots movement to eliminate the second law of thermodynamics appears to be gathering strength.
“This is America,” said Duane Collins, a Gatlinburg, TN, distillery operator and father of five. “And in this country, we have the God-given right to change laws we don’t think are Christian. We are united in our demands that the second law of thermodynamics be repealed, and our voice will be heard no matter what. That’s just a plain fact, and nothing anybody says can ever change it.”
end.
Alright, alright, it’s a joke but doesn’t it just speak volumes about the, dare I say, fundamental disconnect from reality so common in homo religioso- you know anything with the word “homo” in it will really stick in their craws. So, no, they’re not really out there trying to repeal that pesky second law of thermodynamics- yet. But everyday, seems like, finds them sinking to a depth we hadn’t foreseen or crossing a line we hadn’t even thought to draw.
Over at Dani’s freakshow, the chicken lady said that some part of the theory of evolution left her feeling unsatisfied. I was just stunned at the narcissism implicit in that statement- that reality should somehow conform to the comfort of the one experiencing it. If I remember correctly, Richard Dawkins addressed it by saying that science isn’t meant to comfort- he’d been asked about the value of religion, it’s soothing effect on the individual in it’s thrall.
They’ve just completely lost the ability to think critically, which makes them dangerous and untrustworthy- if not incapable of operating heavy machinery.
20 October 2006, on 8:36 pm
Wow. At first I was very very scared. It certainly seemed like something crazy fundies would picket against. It’s true- you never know what ridiculousness they’ll complain about next….
20 October 2006, on 8:38 pm
I laughed out loud reading this one; it’s so like what the fundies would actually do. Hey, they’re already unsatisfied with evolutionary biology, so why not physics - and mathematics, too, while they’re at it?
20 October 2006, on 8:55 pm
I’m still waiting for the proponents of Intelligent Falling to infiltrate our local school boards, looking to abolish Gravity.
20 October 2006, on 9:33 pm
SSssshhhhHHHH!!!
They get enough crazy IDeas without us helping them!
20 October 2006, on 9:52 pm
Lol, this wasn’t labeled as satire, but it obviously is. Looks like The Onion’s kind of story.
20 October 2006, on 10:08 pm
Where did you get the photo? It’s hysterical. Was this a group of scientists trying to make a point. I love it!
20 October 2006, on 10:15 pm
Catherine, the photo accompanied the original Onion article.
Revenant, I stated as much after the article. We have no “satire” tag or I would have attached it.
20 October 2006, on 11:11 pm
“Hey, they’re already unsatisfied with evolutionary biology, so why not physics - and mathematics, too, while they’re at it?”
I know they’re dissatisfied with math, what with pi being 3.14159… instead of a nice, round 3. Funny stuff…Scary stuff, too…
21 October 2006, on 12:53 am
fuck the big bang theory while it licks my ass
21 October 2006, on 4:35 am
Wow thank goodness that was a o=joke. As I am gullible you had me going, right up until you said it was a joke.
Unfortunately it is not jus fundies that have an inability to think critically. Sadly I believe those that think critically a in a minority along with athiests. I am grateful to have found ssuch a sight with so many critical thinkers. Not to mention intelligent and challenging people.
So far this week, I have learnt some history from Eve, science from Raindogzilla and intelligent debating skills from Marcus. Wow this site is the best and cheapest education I have ever received.
Thank you to all of the contributors for my continuing education, it is highly and gratefully valued.
21 October 2006, on 8:07 am
RDZ: “Revenant, I stated as much after the article. We have no “satire” tag or I would have attached it.”
Ah, ok, I was kind of glossing over by the end of the article, with the satirical stupidity raging rampant. Totally missed it. Sorry dude.
21 October 2006, on 12:52 pm
Now, I must confess that there isn’t an obvious fundie connection to this one- but you know there is one in there somewhere- this one’s for real.
Meet Bill Crozier, Union City, OK, Repiglickin nominee for state superintendent of education. Bill’s got a humdinger of an idea- I picture a torch of wood and pitch rather than the customary lightbulb appearing above his head. See, since you just can’t keep guns out of kids’ hands- irresponsible parents being irresponsible parents and even a modicum of gun control being blasphemy and all…
“…(Crozier) said he believes old textbooks could be used to stop bullets shot from weapons wielded by school intruders.
If elected, he said he would put thick used textbooks under every desk for students to use in self-defense.
He gave Eyewitness News 5 a videotape showing he and others shooting weapons, such as an AK-47 and a 9 mm pistol, at books in a field near Minco. They conducted the experiment to see how far bullets would penetrate the books.”
The video is priceless. Considering the dumbfucks were shooting at Calculus, Earth Science, and Languages books, it seemed to fit with this post.
21 October 2006, on 2:31 pm
Raindog, that has to be a joke…No? Oh, man. How are students supposed to maneuver a heavy textbook into the path of speeding bullets from an AK-47? Pull off a “Matrix” move?
21 October 2006, on 2:46 pm
ATM, I think it would behoove parents to teach their kiddies how to catch bullets in their teeth- perhaps their retainers could be retrofitted with Kevlar.
21 October 2006, on 3:02 pm
I’m surprised he doesn’t want to issue every kid a bible to use in stopping bullets.
Or perhaps they could just wear their Crusader for Christ jammies to school every day.
21 October 2006, on 4:14 pm
Yeah, that’s it!
Knights Templar-er-CrustaceansCrusaders for Jeebus PJs and kevlar-covered buy-bulls for everyone!Memo to Disaffected, Bullied, Evolutionist, Hitler-Infatuated, Godless, Future School Shooters:
Head Shots!
21 October 2006, on 6:13 pm
Haha, that scared me for a second because it’s all too plausible (at least for me, after hanging out at Dani’s site, which pretty much defines “willfully ignorant”).
God bless The Onion.
21 October 2006, on 8:28 pm
“…(Crozier) said he believes old textbooks could be used to stop bullets shot from weapons wielded by school intruders.
Didn’t the MythBusters already cover this. Tune in a science channel once in a while, bud.
21 October 2006, on 9:38 pm
Kevlar retainers? Too funny!
22 October 2006, on 10:35 am
It doesn’t matter if we repeal this ’second law’ or not. We cannot change the Universe’s order by telling it we’re out of the Whole Wheat bread or that we don’t accept personal checks
Prescriptions say that the God of the Wrens croaked. The Universe beset Down’s(Trisomie something or other). This gives the citizenry of Ulaan Bator immunity from the laws of retardation, though they be Mongoloids. Some Chinamen do not understand “My Name Is Earl”. This occurs because the stench of Scientology collects in the epicanthic folds above their eyes making them see not Jason Lee but Xenus on the television- that and it’s in English.
Slavery, Pimpitude, Zoophilia, High Colonics, Polyamory and thousands more - too numerous to list here; these are the mark of Moroni- or I, Moron, stenciled on the Shortbus idling at the curb!
I gargle with my own seed - like any Christian worth his salt. Chariots and phalanxes aligned against this simple truth. However, I also grumble over Shih Tzu leavings, these tiny, immaculate turds that seemingly prove the Creator in their fecal perfection.
Hare Krishna, indeed.
23 October 2006, on 3:33 am
Hi
It’s upsetting that the (Fundie) Xians never seem to understand the scientific method and that essentialy it’s impartial.
23 October 2006, on 7:15 am
Hilarious. Gotta love the Onion.
24 October 2006, on 12:43 pm
Lol that was funny! You had me. I kept thinking as I read along…You can’t just change the laws of nature cuz you don’t like them. Lol Thank goodness it was a joke!
24 October 2006, on 1:44 pm
Anne said : “Thank you to all of the contributors for my continuing education, it is highly and gratefully valued.”
I remember that feeling, when I first discovered GifS. It seems like it was ages ago. Sean yelled at me (in type) and made me re-examine some of my thought processes. This is where I go to get away from all of the “stoopid” that surrounds me daily. Glad that you are here.