American Lexicon, v2000.7
10 February 2007 by Naomi
Twenty years ago, there was something called “Sniglets”–small changes in phraseology to reflect modern times. My favorite (and one I still use today) was a modification of their word “auto-nesia: not being able to remember where one parked one’s car at the mall”. I altered it to “semi-nesia: not being able to remember where one parked one’s big-rig at the truckstop”, a condition my husband suffers from.
I received an email today from my friend Matt, with these “newest” words. Some of them are so “Dilbert-relevant”, I had no problems understanding them. But, remember, as a truck driver, some of the references are remote from my real life. During the last fourteen years, my truck was my office (and bedroom and closet), except for the 13 months I was a recruiter/driver-retention specialist and had my own office, with a door. “Cubes” look more like a horse-barn to me…
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch otato.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” eaning that the requested site could not be located.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like: after hitting “send” on an email by mistake).
WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.
Any missing from the list? Do you have a word that you use that deserves to be included?
10 February 2007, on 6:50 pm
Hey I got that e-mail too! But mine also included the following:
TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” - needless paperwork and processes.
BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.
BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: “Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!”.
PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks.
10 February 2007, on 7:08 pm
Nathalie, those are wonderful! Thanks for adding them.
Matt’s were, of course, one of those FWD: FWD: FWD. If I forward something, I clean it up and attribute it to the first name before sending it out myself. I care what goes out under my name. And most of my email list are pretty busy and savvy people and delete FWD:s unread…
Breaking the seal. How well I know! Which led someone to remind us that “we don’t really buy the beer–we only rent it!”
10 February 2007, on 7:11 pm
My favorite one was the Seagull Manager. Hilarious!
11 February 2007, on 1:33 am
Some good ones I found:
AUDIOPHILE, n. One who loves and collects audio equipment and media
BAGGRAVATION, n. A feeling of annoyance and anger one endures at the airport when his bags have not arrived at the baggage carousel but everyone else’s bags have
EATERS COMA, n. A condition characterized by sluggishness, sleepiness, and often a lack of motivation to do anything but rest/relax or sleep; a condition whose onset occurs shortly after a meal, usually dinner.
EATERS DEATH, n. The acute form of eaters coma; characterized by difficulty in standing up and walking, onset occurs after an extremely large meal.
GINORMOUS- adj. extremely large [blend of gigantic and enormous]
NETIZEN, n. A person who spends an excessive amount of time on the Internet.
11 February 2007, on 3:28 am
I like all those, Star!
In my family, “eater’s coma” is preceded by a “food glow” which makes one smile blissfully (or goof-illy[sp?]) and sigh in contentment. We are no longer embarassed to be caught exhibiting those symptoms…
I haven’t flown since long before 9/11 so I don’t know “baggravation”. It must have a correlation in the pre-take off torture one can expect these days. Last summer, when they banned all liquids, etc., I asked (rhetorically, of course) why we didn’t just fly naked and buy everything at our destination–and leave everything we’d just bought behind us so we could fly home naked again. Some thought it was a ridiculous idea (well, Duh!) but the rest got that “ewwww” look on their faces.
I think I’ll take a boat to England instead…
11 February 2007, on 6:43 am
I have indeed had baggravation. Although in fairness, last time I had it my jet lagged body was standing at the wrong carousel…
I haven’t flown since the no liquids rule was implemented, so I’m wondering what that will be like when I fly to the US in April this year. I’m also slightly worried about customs when I arrive. I soooo do not want to hear the snap of a plastic glove…
11 February 2007, on 1:52 pm
I watch far too much irritainment.
11 February 2007, on 2:15 pm
[...] American Lexicon v2000.7 — BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. [...]
11 February 2007, on 5:28 pm
Thank you for the first good laugh of the day.
13 February 2007, on 6:52 pm
If I had a computer at home, I’d definitely be a “mouse potato.”
Love the post, Naomi!
16 February 2007, on 7:26 pm
barkuuming- when the dog cleans up the mess on the floor after the kids have eaten
pupkiss- the mess the dog makes on the car window with his nose.
18 February 2007, on 8:06 pm
Thanks, mickey! In our house, pupkiss is “catsnot”. “Ewww, catsnot on the window! Ewww!”