Mr.Deity…and the signs from god
28 March 2007 by Naomi
Have you seen these?
They are in most of the country, but you’ll see them mostly in the south. In fact, one of them has “Texas United” at the bottom. Yes, Texas, Arkansas and Oklahoma have more than most other states, except Florida.
One says:
If you died right now, where would you spend eternity?
My reply is: Anywhere where I don’t have to see fucking billboards that ask me where I’m going to spend eternity! Where churches aren’t so desperate for new members they must erect stupid billboards with “clever” words to bring in the Smart, since the Stupid already belong!
There is a movement to remove billboads all over. If this happens, expect the RaptureRight to fight it–how else would they get their ill-informed abortion message in our faces?
And truckers won’t know which exits have diesel fuel–like in Vermont…
28 March 2007, on 3:18 am
Naomi
You ever see one that said:
Wyhouuo eee am I draunk. What are you lookin at??? LOL
28 March 2007, on 3:57 am
Nope! Where’s that one?
28 March 2007, on 4:50 am
Thank goodness we don’t have any of that shit over here, though we do have little notice-boards outside some shurches with inanities like that on them.
However, once, in the depths of rural France, and in the middle of nowhere, I came across this bus-shelter with the following written on it…
And beneath that, in another hand, was written this…
At least it made me laugh at the time.
28 March 2007, on 7:39 am
Ugh. I hate those fucking billboards. There were a couple plastered around Des Moines that said “One nation under me.” -God
They’re finally gone, though, only to be replaced by billboards showing cute little babies informing me that they had fingerprints when they were only 3 months in the womb.
I really think I need to move to another state… or country.
28 March 2007, on 9:02 am
. They’re white with “Jesus Loves You” in huge black letters. Far from cringing, I actually laugh every time I see one because I can’t for the life me figure out who they’re supposed to be targeting.
28 March 2007, on 9:55 am
Thanks for posting the new Mr Deity episode, Naomi. It was a bad day today, and it made me laugh.
28 March 2007, on 10:22 am
Haven’t seen those in a while, but that may be because I don’t go to the Dallas area anymore.
Most I saw were cute, vapid, and largely harmless. Glad I didn’t see any of the argumentum ad baculum ones.
28 March 2007, on 11:19 am
Bleehh!! :::vomiting all over myself:::
28 March 2007, on 12:27 pm
In the Poconos (pennsylvania) I’m seeing new billboards trying to get the ’smart’ people to take the bait.
“Intelligent people read the Bible” with the larger than life KJ version and cross under the text.
Whenever I see that and the kids are in the car, I add. “Yes, we read it and that’s what made us atheists” then (usually) my daughter will start asking some questions and we discuss some of the more absurd tales of the bible.
28 March 2007, on 12:46 pm
I hope they have to pay for their stinkin’ billboards and don’t get them donated, like tax exemptions!!!!
28 March 2007, on 12:54 pm
Being that I have lived a good percentage of my life in the bible belt, there isnt a billboard about gawd I havent seen. BUT, the one that really fucks me off is that ‘one nation under me’-god. Those are all over the place in NC. Grrrrr!! Here in northern CA there arent as many stupid religious signs, thank goodness. BUT, there are churchs and even private homes that have huge banners with their religious nonesense on them, put up for all to see. On one house near my house they hung a huge banner along their fencing claiming that ‘Jesus is Lord’.
Amy
28 March 2007, on 1:04 pm
Clearly, clearly those are forgeries. Gawd did NOT write those. Anyone can see that the fonts don’t match. Besides, everyone know Gawd writes in Hebrew.
28 March 2007, on 2:37 pm
Does that “love thy neighbor” business also include physical love? Where does that fit in with the “coveting thy neighbor’s wife” stuff? If I fool around with the hottie in the upstairs apartment, can I tell my girlfriend that gawd’s billboard told me to? Hmmmm….
28 March 2007, on 2:48 pm
Irreverent geophysicist: I think you’re on to something…or someone…
28 March 2007, on 4:18 pm
What would they do if I hung a “Jesus Sucks” sign in the window of my apartment? Or “Your god is Dead!”? Ya think they’d get upset?
28 March 2007, on 4:20 pm
My husband and I went on a long road trip through Arizona and New Mexico last year and there were “Jesus saves” type of signs along our route. I had wanted to get out and have my picture taken with them, but my husband thought that would be evil, even for me.
28 March 2007, on 4:37 pm
brodie
I think you’d have a broken window in record time. And perhaps a fire in your apartment. Fundies aren’t too fond of giving equal time to the flip side of the free speech coin.
28 March 2007, on 4:52 pm
Does that “love thy neighbor” business also include physical love?
Hmmm, I’m worried about you, young man.
Don’t you know that when you ‘befoul yourself with semen’ whilst fancying your female neighbours, you must subsequently wash your bed, your clothes, and yourself, and after 7 days take 2 doves to the priest who will sacrifice them to Gord in order to make atonement for you wank. (Leviticus 15:13 or thereabouts).
Isn’t it amazing that there are still any pigeons left in the world?
28 March 2007, on 5:29 pm
“One nation under me” – God
*snicker* Someone should protest that one as pornography!
Seriously, though, what all-powerful deity worth his salt would only be satisfied with absolute, grovelling submission from his creations? The abrahamic religions are truly, truly BDSM in nature.
We have an awful lot of billboards in the Dominican Republic, too…
28 March 2007, on 10:41 pm
Somehow I imagine there’s a bank in the Bible belt displaying a sign [perhaps with that horribly bloodied Jeebus pic from Mel Gibson's film] with the caption:
“JEEBUS SAVES HERE!…So can you…you dumb asshole!
but only HE gets the humongously high interest rates!
YOU, on the other hand…
Can eat Shit!”
Mmmm…maybe not…
I guess I was just having a ‘Vision’!
29 March 2007, on 9:15 am
Old Git,
I keep extra laundry detergent and a pen full of doves in my apartment for that very purpose.
29 March 2007, on 10:31 am
My personal favorite was the porn super store we passed on the highway out in the middle of no where Kentucky. Someone had built an equally massive gospel revival hall right next to it.
So out of the darkness of an empty highway we came upon these two low flat buildings both sporting massive billboards side by side.
“World’s Largest Adult Super Store”
“Come Join Us And Find Jesus Today!”
29 March 2007, on 12:10 pm
And another one, on the I-65, between Nashville TN and Birmingham AL:
29 March 2007, on 12:48 pm
Oh, I think the highest concentration of this crap has to be in Arkansas. About 1/3 of all billboards have something to do with Jesus. Those things cost a lot of money. Hmm, where would they be getting all that money, I wonder?
29 March 2007, on 1:43 pm
You guys are great! You all are giving me so many ideas for our family trip back across the US. We are moving from CA to VA in 3 months. I will have a camera ready. I’ll have to make a scrap book.
On our trip to CA from NC, somewhere in TX there was this HUGE cross, so I had my son pose like he was peeing on it and took a picture.hehe Ahh, good times, good times.
Amy
29 March 2007, on 4:17 pm
Boobie bungalo. HA! Wish I had a picture of the signs in Kentucky.
29 March 2007, on 11:32 pm
I’ve put the sign Naomi has on my own blog. It just kills me.
30 March 2007, on 1:19 am
Joe, you’re welcome to it! Enjoy!
30 March 2007, on 12:58 pm
Naomi,
Please tell me how did you get to post a piccie in your comment (#23), as I’ve often tried and failed.
30 March 2007, on 4:22 pm
TOG: same method as pasting into posts. Copy the code, drop it–eh! voila!, c’est bon!
If you still have a problem with it (or anything else), Skype me and we’ll walk through it online. T’would be my pleasure, good sir!
30 March 2007, on 7:24 pm
Wow, even on billboards fundies have to write almost everything in ALL CAPS!
“The blood of Jesus…cleanseth us from all sin
at
Big Jim’s Boobie Bungalow!” Hilarious!
Naomi, what is there for female truck drivers at stops like those? Do they really think you like hanging out with a bunch of horny men staring at strippers?
31 March 2007, on 5:30 am
Naomi, what is there for female truck drivers at stops like those? Do they really think you like hanging out with a bunch of horny men staring at strippers?
I’m a normal red-blooded male, but even I don’t like to hang-out with a bunch of horny men staring at strippers, or pass around porno photos amongst my mates, or any of the other sad, juvenile pastimes that so many men like to get up to, especially when sex is involved.
Result? The macho guys I have worked with etc. have called me a ‘poof’ (gay), pervert, jewsuss freak etc., because I didn’t share their infantile views on women and sex.
The sad truth is that most men don’t grow up; they remain silly little boys, playing immature little games all their lives – ask any woman, and she’ll confirm that for you.
I remember once in Oz seeing a controversial movie about guys working on a sheep-station in the outback, hundreds of miles from anywhere. These guys were itinerant, having left their wives and families to spend the season working on the sheep-station. After some months at work there, one Friday night the guys in the bunkhouse all decide it was ‘time’ to have some sex, but the only available females were the sheep! One young guy is shocked by the suggestion, and refuses to go along with them; all these macho-types upbraid him for being a poof, and spend the rest of the movie making his life miserable. Aussies were outraged by the movie, but the screenwriter and director maintained that it was authentic. I certainly believed it, as it summed up perfectly the Neanderthal types for whom being ‘macho’ is a synonym for being a moron.
31 March 2007, on 3:03 pm
One billboard that would help me be a safer driver is one that reads, “STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF!”
Masturbation may not literally make one blind, but it does make it a lot harder to pay attention to whats happening on the road.
3 April 2007, on 2:29 pm
Most billboards in north Louisiana are either for casinos or churches. Or they alternate. I can’t see the images above due to ‘net filters here at work, but I’m guessing they are the annoying black ones with white lettering (or the opposite). They make me laugh and get angry at once. Some are accusatory or hateful toward non-believers and I’ve considered phoning the company that rents out the signs to complain about hate speech. I’ll take photos if I remember to get my camera.
Oh! I just got a heart shaped nugget from Wendy’s!! Praise Jeebus for this sign of luv! (I really did. grrrr.)
3 April 2007, on 5:42 pm
Bean: you lucky girl! Get it to eBay at once!
Yes, they’re the ubiguitous black/white messages signed by “gawd”.
Do you not have a PC at home? If not, I can email you the ones that are slightly different–like the bibble message mounted about the “Big Jim’s Booby Bungalow”…
4 April 2007, on 5:10 pm
Welcome to all the good people who read Mike’s Blog RoundUp @ Crooks&Liars!
5 April 2007, on 12:20 pm
#32: Here’s a related joke.
A new recruit shows in the mining town, deep in the mountains. The gang boss is showing him around the place, pointing out the general store, the post office, the saloon… but there aren’t any brothels, in fact there aren’t any women around at all. “Umm, where do you… I mean, where are… you know, those urges?”
“Oh!” says the gang boss, “Let me show you.” He walks around the corner and points to a line of men who are queuing up in front of a barrel. “Whenever you feel the need, you just come over to the barrel, stick your dick in the hole, and it’s just like being with a woman! The only thing is, you can’t do that on Wednesday nights.”
“Why not Wednesday nights?” asks the new recruit.
“That’s your turn in the barrel.”
6 September 2007, on 12:08 am
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