Shamthropology 101
27 May 2007 by Naomi
(Pre-historic faux-tographs of Adam and Eve, at right)
University of Discovery Institute - Covington Kentucky (U.D.I.C.K. Campus)
Professor Ken Ham, Shamthropologist-Emeritus
INTRODUCTION: This course is an introduction to the field of shamthropology, a discipline concerned with what it is to be a human who believes in a Young Earth. As a result, practically anything you can imagine may fall within our sphere of study!
Twentieth century North American Shamthropology is typically conducted in relation to four subdisciplines or fields of study. These include:
Human origins:
- Genesis and beyond.
Prehistoric past, or those periods in human history that lack extensive written archives or require the analysis of material evidence:
- analyzing fossils and destroying those that are more than 6,000 years old;
- construction of dioramas to show “descent of man” that is in strict accord with the Bible;
- constructing life-like dinosaurs from kitchen ingredients.
Ways that people live, know, and organize themselves in the present or recent past:
- shaming;
- picketing GLBT;
- smearing liberals and anti-Christian politicians;
- reflexive mass contacting of politicians before critical Christian legislation;
- shredding the Bill of Rights;
- bombing abortion clinics;
- campaigning against condoms, birth control and masturbation;
- supporting the Theocratic movement);
Ways that people communicate with one another or organize their worlds linguistically:
- bumper stickers;
- crosses and crucifixes;
- fish magnets;
- biblical scripture;
- use of Christian radio and television empires;
- elevate rural Bible colleges to university level and how to gain Federal funding;
- supplying government with employees who dedicate their work to Christ;
- how to eliminate Ethics programs by replacing with Bible-study and prayer;
- how to apply “The Flintstones” to everyday life).
Final Exam: Debunking Darwin, Dawkins and Hawking
Internships available: US Departments of State, Commerce, Education, Energy, NSA, HHS, NIH, CDC, NASA and select Congressional offices.
(Sincere apologies to Covington KY - I needed a “C” to make a “dick” out of Ken Ham’s “educational facility”. Petersberg wasn’t helping, although it is funny!)
27 May 2007, on 2:07 am
Shamthropology 101…
…
27 May 2007, on 10:17 am
Why have Adam and Eve in the pictures got belly buttons? What were the other ends of their umbilical cords attached to?
27 May 2007, on 11:18 am
I wouldn’t mind learning how to make dinosaurs out of kitchen stuff. I think that might be kind of fun.
Unbelievably, this reads like the course outline for my first philosophy class.
27 May 2007, on 11:22 am
I suppose they’ll steal the Shamrock from the Irish as part of the official seal?
Yeah…and…
At the end of the whole course, a shamrock/dinosaur style badge will be awarded; and Ken Ham (the “rude vile PIG”!) will sort of ‘beknight’ the…erm…’graduates’ (sham-uates)? with the words:
“SHAM on you, for all you’ve accomplished!”
Then of course “Ham shamwiches” will be served at the Garden of Eden reception…with…of course…
coconut milk cocktails?
27 May 2007, on 1:16 pm
Now what!…you ask?…Ummm…as is my wont…a punch line [Sham line?] to my previous comment.:
[Reporter]:
“Two students, who decided NOT to attend the Shamthropology graduation ceremony, were overheard saying:
“Badges?…Badges?…
(Yeah…you got it)…
We don’t need no stinking badges!”
Another student…who DID attend the ceremony said:
“Ken Ham is SO old…
He’s got dinosaur shit on his shoes!”
[I think the Sound F/X band's drummer just quit!]
Well, anyway…Happy Mam…er…”Memorial Day” weekend…to those of you who ‘celebrate’ it!
27 May 2007, on 4:41 pm
Dinosaurs are for suckers anyway.
Did somebody say “Ham shamwiches”?
27 May 2007, on 7:24 pm
I could go for a Ham Shamwich…
I think I’m just hungry.
27 May 2007, on 7:34 pm
Its just a way of making the bible more true and have more human puppets. Way to go assholes. If this keep up people will have a hard learning the basic like adding and subtracting because they are too much of an idiot to think.
The civilization of humans is falling, something needs to be done quick. If we do not, we will ceased to exist.
27 May 2007, on 10:37 pm
Gee Myron, I sure hope English isn’t your first language.
27 May 2007, on 11:31 pm
Revenant, I don’t find anything about Myron’s message false. My guess is he was just typing too fast.
Unlike “WatchNJ”, (remember him?) who was a Muslim fundie - and BTW, I deleted a recent message from him only because I wasn’t sure if he’d been banned and Stardust wasn’t available to ask. His innocuous “Hi everyone” was like a JW or Moron at your front door…
Watchnj’s last message (permitted to appear, by Mods) was October 2, just about a week before Sean died:
I’ll answer to godRon for my pre-emptive deletion…
28 May 2007, on 9:38 am
I wasn’t speaking to his “truthiness”, just the number of mispellings. Though one statement makes me think he’s a fundie…
28 May 2007, on 11:28 am
Hi Naomi and everyone. I am back! My sympathies to all who live in the southern fundie states. After a week in Virginia, I feel like I need to be “sanitized” and some kind of quarantine process even though I took regular showers while there.
I will be doing a post about my fundie experiences at government and public places in a post soon. (I am so glad to be a northerner.)
Yes, Naomi…WatchNJ is forever banned, though he keeps lurking and trying to sneak in occasionally. Good for slamming the door in his face and telling him to take a hike.
28 May 2007, on 11:32 am
I see. But since Myron had shown himself to be moderate in his previous comments, that didn’t raise my hackles much - more a small pink flag than the usual “red, bedsheet-sized” banner of fundie-ism. But, a flag, nonetheless…
28 May 2007, on 12:02 pm
No prob, Naomi.
Lol Stardust. Sounds like you were in middle to southern Virginia. I grew up in Northern VA, which is Yuppieville USA. Home of AOL HQ, Worldcom HQ, and lots of other Yuppie attractors.
28 May 2007, on 12:15 pm
Lol Stardust. Sounds like you were in middle to southern Virginia.
Revenant - We were in Richmond and then went to Mt. Vernon, and Monticello and I was really irritated how they worked gawd and religion into the tours of men who fought and worked to uphold separation of church and state and who had a policy of keeping their beliefs private.
More about that later . . .
(I think West Virginia has the most execution symbols I have ever seen in one trip.)
28 May 2007, on 1:17 pm
Welcome back Stardust.
I too, am glad I’m a “Northerner”.
Somehow I’m reminded of my trips “down South” (playing with bands); like Selma, Alabama ca. 1965…when people would say: “Y’all come back now…ya hear?”.
My response THESE days would be something like:
“Ummm….Thanks…but NO, Thanks!…
(and muttering under my breath, whilst turning to look at the banquet table):
“You lying, filthy, brainwashed…rude, vile, pig…fundie asshole!”
“However…I WILL have one of those ham shamwiches…
and some coconut milk…if you don’t mind!”
Seriously, Star…
I’m “looking forward” to your projected Post on all that “Fundie experience”. I even cringe, just IMAGINING all the probable twisting of the historical facts about the Founding Fathers etc., by those Dominionist (asshole) types.
28 May 2007, on 10:40 pm
Lotsa empty intellectual calories there.
Hey, Stardust, welcome back. Missed ya.
28 May 2007, on 11:48 pm
As a rampant carnivore, with six-inch long, razor sharp incisors- not to mention, teeny, tiny little arms, I find the saurian/human Garden-of-Eden- Sharing hypothesis brought forth in Ken’s Hamthropology particularly saliva-inducing. I envision this dust monkey, Adam, and his rib tumor, helpmate, Lil…er, sorry, Eve, wrapped up snug in the coils of that irksome, fruit-peddling tree serpent- pigs in a blanket/a suitcase full of sin.
Allow a couple of days for the wormscrawlinwormscrawlout, bacterial marinade to sink in and it might just have as much intrinsic merit as a snack as that brutally fabulous leather-bound enslavement manual/rice-paper asswipe repository perfect for the man who has everything, The Bumble.
Bumbles bounce!
28 May 2007, on 11:54 pm
I was typing very fast. What do you expect from a polyglot? I can take the criticism. Man, I tell you people pick on the little things but miss the gist of the whole conversation. Why?
29 May 2007, on 12:01 am
….. I am not a fundamentalist. I am an atheist. I consider that an insult to me. I demand an apology.
29 May 2007, on 12:20 am
Myron, I’ll apologize, just in case Revenant doesn’t see your “demand”. I hope that you saw that I was defending you. And that I let whatever hyper-moderate remark you made - remain unremarked, until another noted it. Perhaps he’s not read your other comments; Rev doesn’t drop by as often as he used to. Perhaps he thought you were new here… I can’t say.
I’ve had no reason to suspect that you are anything other than what we all are: atheists.
I ask your forgiveness for our lapse in hospitality.
29 May 2007, on 8:45 am
Because I feel WHAT you say is as important as HOW you say it. If you can’t be bothered to proofread your own stuff, then be prepared.
My advice, don’t type so fast. Simple solution.
29 May 2007, on 8:46 am
Consider this an eye-roll…
29 May 2007, on 8:35 pm
Funny post, Naomi! Welcome back, Star! And don’t forget that ever-so-important unit in Shamthropology 101: “Man’s God-Given Superiority to Woman!”
Note to self: “Must stop using so many exclamation points…”
31 May 2007, on 3:22 am
Do I get to take meth with male prostitutes?
31 May 2007, on 7:13 pm
Sure Jimmy, just don’t let those sneaky reporters working for the devil catch you in the act.
If theres no blame, theres no shame…or something like that.
27 June 2007, on 1:55 am
Naomi, I forgive you. Revenant, How cruel of you but I can see that your honest.
27 June 2007, on 7:47 am
It’s cruel of me to expect people to say what they mean and mean what they say? Whatever.