Happy Helloween- or is that Mercyful Fate?
1 November 2007 by Raindogzilla
It’s time to confess. We’re not Atheists because there isn’t any such thing. We’re just your garden variety minions of Satan(Torment Be Upon Him). It’s alright everybody. Ditch that rational eau de toilette and get high on the brimstone. Is anyone gonna eat that last piece of baby?
1 November 2007, on 1:18 am
The power of Satan is nothing compared to the power of Bob!
Praise Bob!
1 November 2007, on 11:15 am
Ugh, one of my mom’s third grade students told her yesterday that he has invisible angels over his head at all times, but she doesn’t have any because she didn’t know that Halloween is “the devil’s birthday.” Brainwashed kids make me really sad.
1 November 2007, on 12:37 pm
Let me see if I got this straight. The druids would put a jack-o-lantern in front of a house from where they took a child so that no one else would bother the poor family. So, all the families had to do was make their own jack-o-lanterns to fool the druids!
1 November 2007, on 1:46 pm
The power of Satan is nothing compared to the power of Bob!
Jack Chick’s THE DUDE…
We should all know about Bad Bob…
And the real function of this blog…
Sincerely,
Bad Bob
1 November 2007, on 2:30 pm
Gee, I wanna be just like Sammy Hagar.
NOT!
1 November 2007, on 2:35 pm
Holy Crap, I had never read one of those Chick Tracts before, and I never want to again!
AAAHHHH MY EYES!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
1 November 2007, on 3:09 pm
You know, I’d be happy to be a minion of Satan.
Except that… he’s a fairy tale, too, Jack.
1 November 2007, on 4:25 pm
Chick Tracts: Lies are Truth! Truth is Lies!
Not to mention badly researched (if at all), highly inaccurate (when not outright false), and fear-mongering for faith (OK, I got this one right).
Reminds me of one time at a previous job when an uber-church-going co-worker answered the question “are you taking your kids trick-or-treating?” with “no, we don’t celebrate the debbil’s holiday.” I gave him a 15-minute lecture on the historical origins and xian blackballing of Halloween in front of the entire office; I think his ears were smoking by the time he managed to get away from me!
Not that I probably changed his mind or anything…
1 November 2007, on 4:38 pm
Jack Chick is like a monkey throwing feces. A lot of feces. With laundromat or trailer park trajectory, at child’s eye level. Kids like the brightly-colored even when it’s brightly colored shit. You can go blind from the worms in dog shit. Monkey shit, too. And, by monkey, I mean an interchangeably red- faced and/or assed, Popeye forearmed, rabid baboon. Not cute. Not cute at all. Scary like a clown is scary.
1 November 2007, on 4:41 pm
Satan always has better music.
He also gets seen a lot more and not just in bagels and stains.
And while the horrors of satanism are pretty much a fairy tale created by religious nuts, the horrors of xianity are well documented and ongoing.
I’d wager more people have been slaughtered in the name of their god than in the name of any made up devil. If you went by death toll alone the satanists are the good guys.
1 November 2007, on 5:02 pm
Goebbels would have loved Jack Chick.
1 November 2007, on 10:33 pm
Yikes…that “Bad Bob” tale…the old “Bad seed” and “Fear, guilt and shame” routine…
So everyone born deserves hell, just, by nature of being born human…The bogus “Original Sin” outrageous tyranny. What infinite INJUSTICE! A malicious plan devised to make up for a “Bad Gawd”, ill-conceived, “set-up” creation story. Mythology at its WORST!
Pardon a little Garden of Eden scene?…
[Adam]:
“Talking snake, my ass…who the fuck let ‘him’ in here!…always yapping about knowledge…and snacking on dust…Oh, of course that phony, invisible, so-called kind, loving, but incessantly nosy and bothersome…’Mr. 10 Commandment Voice’ and original ‘test inventor’; who never had to take any tests whatsoever! Yeah…with his feigned query: “Adam…Yoohoo…where are you?…I KNOW you’re there somewhere with beautiful Eve…the ‘One less rib than you’ slut…no doubt you’re both hiding and covering up your naughty bits?…Yeah…
THAT fuckhead, so-called ‘Sky-Daddy’.”
What’s that Gifsters?…”Knock it off ChuckA…you know that’s NOT how it really went”…?
OK; SORRY!
However…
Is there anyone of us; given infinite, almighty power and some genuinely RATIONAL…COMPASSIONATE…THOUGHTFULNESS; that couldn’t do a better job of creation than the Babble & Koran’s psychotic, pathological monster Gawd concepts?
And don’t give me any of that “Bruce Almighty” prideful silliness!
[I'll take the money those stupid films made, though! (feigns greedy drooling!)]
Yes, like many of youse…
I was raised from birth with all that bullshit ‘Original Sin’ concept; which amounts to a form of drawn out Cosmological Fascism…Gawd being the infinite, supreme archetype of Tyranny! Hitler and all the rest of history’s tyrants are pikers compared to a god who would pull off such an insane injustice.
Humor me one more time?…
[Imaginary Gawd...ala George Carlin's shtick]:
“You infidels don’t buy my bullshit story, with all its outrageous dimensions of injustice and built-in iniquities and favoritisms…so I’ll burn your ass forever and ever…endlessly…
but I LOVE you!”
What a monstrous Tyranny!
Hmmm…Just the model for all the current fuckhead World politicians to emulate and bow down…backwards… to.
Oy Vey! Such a novel surprise!
SHEESH!
1 November 2007, on 10:56 pm
No shit. Bigger boobs are NOT necessarily better.
2 November 2007, on 3:28 pm
Whoa! A Chick tract on an atheist’s website? That’s something I never I’d see.
Oh, by the way, I love you guys and gals with the bisexual Love that only Jesus gives…:) Merry CHRIST-mas!
Then ted proceeds to:
TED…DID YOU REALLY THINK WE WOULD ALLOW YOU TO POST A LIST OF BABBLE VERSUS AND CONTINUE TO PROSELTYZE ABOUT HOW YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND LOVES US? Try reading the comment policy and if you can’t understand it, have someone read and explain it to you
~ Moderators
2 November 2007, on 4:58 pm
What a gyp! The headline on my reader had me racing here to read about King Diamond, but it’s only that jackass, Jack Chick. Now I’m forced to disturb the neighbors with At The Sound of The Demon Bell or Satan’s Fall.
Thanks!
2 November 2007, on 6:18 pm
Sorry, Christ, when I typed in the word “Helloween”, I felt compelled to add something. I first considered Celtic Frost but opted for MF because it covered King Diamond as well.
7 November 2007, on 12:01 pm
“Eat more chicken than any man ever seen”
Are you SURE you want to do that? I’ve heard some people can eat three whole chickens in one sitting.