Heaven’s Brothel: Muslim cleric fantasizes about virgins in Heaven
3 September 2008 by StardustThis dude needs a few buckets of cold water dumped on him.
Commentary, news, and rants on the evils and stupidity of belief in the big invisible daddy in the sky. Illuminating and watchdogging the widespread attempts to institutionalize the theocratic rule of the US. Making fun of believers everywhere.
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3 September 2008, on 12:48 pm
While he fantasizes about virgins in heaven, I fantasize about experienced women here on Earth!
3 September 2008, on 1:14 pm
There won’t be any Nivea in heaven? Well, that sucks.
3 September 2008, on 2:09 pm
Wow. That’s creepy. I guess that’s what sexual repression will do to you.
3 September 2008, on 2:24 pm
And after you spurt on contact from all that pent-up earth-bound repression, that black-eyed virgin is gonna l-a-a-a–u-g-h so hard she slaps herself in her face with her wondrous titties. Then whatchu gonna do fer the rest of eternity, huh? Oh, btw, check yer robes, you got jism all over yerself now, dude.
3 September 2008, on 3:22 pm
Wow, pure comedy gold to be mined here; thanks, Star (I think)!
I suppose when he says that he wishes all this “soft, virginy” goodness on all “people here,” “people” only refers to men (what awaits True Muslim Women (TM) in this all-sex-all-the-time paradise is apparently not important, nor are they considered “people”).
Also, what the fuck’s up with all this “white face” and “soft whiteness” shit? True Heavenly Beauty (TM) is strictly Caucasian? What about the True Muslim (TM) who happens to be black and whose idea of heaven is getting it on with a stunning mahogany goddess?
Besides, the “white” of the houris is actually transparent, not a color; the Q’uran describes in detail how you’ll be able to see these celestial virgins’ veins, blood, and bones right through their skin.
Plus, I notice he neglects to mention the beautiful boys who will be serving the Faithful up there in Mo’s paradise right alongside the beautiful girls. The Q’uran describes them in just as much loving detail as the houris. I wonder what they’re for, hmm? If it’s just to bring you your heavenly wine, then why bother specifying their beauty? Why mention them at all?
Again, I say to any and all muslims who may be lurking out there: even if I did believe in the supernatural, your religion has absolutely nothing to offer me. I’m not even important enough to be included in its afterlife!
3 September 2008, on 5:25 pm
KAREN!!??
I’m blushing. You’re a naughty girl.
On a serious note , I think all should watch this, Undercover Mosque:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMMc1F6GNuQ
3 September 2008, on 6:37 pm
NO VASELINE IN PARAVAHALLAVANA!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!
These fucking people are unhinged.
Meanwhile I got an e-mail from someone I really like who is, unfortunately batshit crazy about JESUS.
It contained what is supposedly an open letter from a NJ housewife. It goes on in some detail about those murdering fucking mooslim swine and how little she cares about their Koran. It looks to me like the product of some cheetoh stuffed armchair warrior’s wanking session. Fuck all “True Believers”.
3 September 2008, on 8:20 pm
A for enthusiasm.
3 September 2008, on 10:04 pm
Huh!! Apparently those heavenly virgins come like pre-moistened toweletts. No lube needed. I just never would have guessed.
3 September 2008, on 10:06 pm
Apparently those heavenly virgins come like pre-moistened toweletts. No lube needed
LOL
Hey jimmer, nice to see ya again. Hope you will have a post for us soon?
3 September 2008, on 10:38 pm
Wow, that guy REALLY needs to get laid.
So when Mooslims die, they go to the Playboy mansion?
4 September 2008, on 12:08 am
Holy Shiite! This guy reminds me of the warning in the Cialis commercials about the danger of having an erection for more that four hours. Makes you wonder if this guy EVER goes limp!
With him, it’d be kinda like having the Circus in town…with the traditional freak show, of course…
a Circus that never leaves!
If he ever ends up in the hospital, the nurses (wearing burkas, of course!) will be constantly having to hammer his dick with a very large wooden spoon! (or shovel?)
[I think they teach that rather old "dick control" technique in nursing schools, don't they?]
4 September 2008, on 1:03 am
Stardust
Will do. There is so much to ridicule lately I don’t know if I can capture it all.
That guy, Imam? needs to be introduced to some really good porno. I figured that is what would win the war in the middle east. We air drop tons of porno on them and let them have at it. You know Playboy Penthouse DVDs etc. the whole kit and kaboodle as they say. And no I don’t know who “they” are nor do I know what a kaboodle is.
4 September 2008, on 3:56 am
Erm, has anybody actually verified that those subtitles were a genuine translation?
4 September 2008, on 7:58 am
MikeN…yes, I did verify and should have posted the original link from Memri TV.
Saudi Cleric Omar Al-Sweilem Extols the Breasts and Thighs of the Black-Eyed Virgins of Paradise
Are you shocked that is what they truly believe? What did you think they were going to do with 72 virgins in paradise?
The Quran promises these things stated in the paragraph below…and like Xian fundies elaborate on their golden streets and all sort of imaginings of heaven, fundamentalist muslims fantasize about those virgins they are going to get:
From Wikipedia about Houri
4 September 2008, on 10:21 am
I believe that our Muslim cleric is referring to Julia Bond, hottest porn star ever… mmm…
oh wait, now I need a cold shower! …stupid Muslims, making me sin, lol!
4 September 2008, on 11:15 am
This insanity always reminds of the question…
Why 72 virgins?
Oh, that’s right in numerology 72 = 7 + 2 = 9…”Allah’s (Gob’s) number…
[and also Satan's number: 666 = 18 = 9].
As in…”Demon est Deus Inversus!”
If Larry Flint (or whomever) gets wind of the Houri (Whorey?) description, maybe he (they) might come out with a special Mohammered porn edition based on those amazing details?
Nah! Fat chance of finding any gals who could fullfil all those requirements.
Then again, it certainly would make an interesting “Broadway Musical” type ‘cattle call’…for the new musical…
“Houri Virgins On Broadway!” With the Title Tune [ala "A Chorus Line"]?:
“What I did for Gob!”
[Choreographer]:
“Would those of you I’ve already chosen, with your, assumably, UNbroken hymens; please go to stage left!…as the for the rest of you who are NOT chosen…
please write your name and phone number on a form you’ll find at that table in the back on stage right…
You know…where Larry Flynt is seated?…
“Ok…now where were we?…
[Rehearsal pianist picks up playing audition tune in 6/8]…
“turn 2, 3, KICK 5, 6!”
“NEXT!”
4 September 2008, on 1:15 pm
Obeah
Yes, lol, it’s me. I AM a much naughtier girl here than I tend to be over at NGB!
I used an online conversion calculator to change the measurements of those virgins in the Wiki info from meters to feet. Those are really Amazons! 27.5 meters->90.22 feet tall and 3.2 meters -> 10.5 feet wide! Did I do something wrong? Cuz if I didn’t, I can’t imagine any man thinking his schlong was THAT big. Hell, even if he crawled up inside her, she would probably think it was an ant or something.
4 September 2008, on 1:38 pm
Karen, don’t you know that people get much bigger when they go to heaven?
4 September 2008, on 3:29 pm
Star
Apparently, “people,” aka moooslim men do. Heaven is one big triple X show. “GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! ALL VIRGINS! ALL NAKED! ALL THE TIME!!!” (90 ft. tall; ladder required.)
Seriously, though, I never realized the 72 virgins were amazons before. Now, what I want to know is, does every guy get his own 72 virgins, or are there 72 virgins period, who miraculously remain virgins, no matter what, and they service all the men?
4 September 2008, on 3:38 pm
Now, what I want to know is, does every guy get his own 72 virgins, or are there 72 virgins period, who miraculously remain virgins, no matter what, and they service all the men?
I think these 72 virgins are however they want to imagine them to be. Just like Jeebus and Heaven. Whatever way they dream of it.
5 September 2008, on 10:01 pm
AAAAAhhhaahahah! You people are the best! What comments! What wit!
I’ll be back.
“For the Companions of the Right Hand,” so I must be going to hell because, you know, when a good Muslim is alone and dreaming of virgins, the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing.
5 September 2008, on 10:07 pm
Have you all seen the youtube comments? I hope they do not discover this site.
5 September 2008, on 11:37 pm
And what, prey tell, does Islam offer to Women, in the afterlife. After all; it would seem that all the male fucktards are busy with their 72 virgins. What gives?
Ummm…perhaps giving Allah a continuous blowjob? I guess ALL women would have to become huge amazons.
A little scene?…
[a Grateful Dead...NON-Virgin]:
“Oh my Gob, Allah…What an immense ’schlong’ you have!”
[Allah]: “Don’t EVER use that Yiddish word, you insolent bitch! As soon as Mohammered gets done sucking my dick…
you’re next!”
Sorry GifSters…I just couldn’t help myself…?
What amazing bullshit religions are! Can you imagine how fucked up the people who started all the religious shit must have been. That goes for every cockamamie belief that humans have EVER dreamed up!
They all start, I think, with a variation of the “Chief”, cooperating with either the top-dog, suck-up brown-nose “Shaman” (or High Priest); or maybe just the local Schizophrenic “Village Idiot”, spouting jibberish…? [the John Cleese, Python skit comes to mind!]
Just a theory, of course!
Not to mention how incredibly naive, stupid, and superstitious the average person must have been.
Yikes!
Of course…even today…the same circumstances exist; all around the planet.
Like…didn’t we just witness a lot of that, especially THIS week?
By the way; speaking of Islamic, tyrannical stupidity…check out Pat Condell’s latest:
“Islam’s war on freedom” & “Take your god and shove him”…etc.
Here’s his YouTube Main page (#1 of 3) which has all 46 of his vids in order; starting with the latest:
http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=patcondell&p=r
6 September 2008, on 2:55 pm
Have you all seen the youtube comments? I hope they do not discover this site.
They already have in the past. It wouldn’t be the first time that we have been threatened with curses, death, hell, and whathaveyou. And that’s just the Christians!
We have banned several a muslim troll threatening us…the funniest one was “watcher”. Muslim, Christian, Scientologist, whatever will get a run for their money if they come here. We will have much fun with them!